The Intensity Trap: Beware Love’s Hidden Red Flag
Here’s how that spark leads you into trouble
“Intensity,” a client once told me. “That’s my weakness.”
I asked her to explain.
“I love the intensity of a new relationship. The spark, the fire. If I don’t feel that immediately with someone they just seem boring.”
“But,” she added, “I know it’s not a smart strategy for choosing a partner. It’s led me into trouble over and over.”
Now in her mid-thirties, she described a chequered history of intimate relationships — she’d followed her feelings and there was a lot of crash and burn. Also, a lot of hurt.
When we met she’d almost given up on love. “I don’t think what I’m attracted to is sustainable. Is there any way to change it?
A warning sign, not a love story
To be fair, love is about intense feelings.
Most relationships would never get off the ground without a spark. And the early stages of love are about getting swept up in the excitement. That’s the attraction — at least initially.
But when intensity is sought, or needed, or preferred over consistent love, it can set up an unhealthy — often chaotic — dynamic between partners, which…
