The Psychology of Toxic Attraction: 5 Ways to Disrupt the Cycle
What’s in your Love Bucket?
“I like the bad girls,” my client said.
He was in therapy after his toxic relationship ended. The two years with his ex had taken a significant psychological toll. It had left him mildly depressed, anxious, almost traumatised.
At 33 he’d had three significant relationships, all of them unhealthy. Despite knowing that, he believed there was a high chance his next relationship would be the same.
“It’s like I’m a sucker for punishment. Why do I keep falling for the wrong women?” he said.
Good question. But we needed to explore: Was he drawn to a particular type of woman? Or had he just been unlucky?
What is Toxic Attraction?
Toxic attraction is when we’re drawn to people who are bad for us, who have dysfunctional — even destructive — behaviours in intimate relationships. Even when we’re aware of it, we stay — or keep going back for more.
My client’s “bad girls” had cheated on him, lied and been varying degrees of manipulative. But the attraction remained. “I don’t understand it,” he said. “Why can’t I choose someone who’s good for me?”
