WhenYour Self-Talk is Hurting You — How to Turn it Around

It’s time you stopped gaslighting yourself

“I shouldn’t be here,” my client said, guiltily.

“I have a good life. There are a lot of people in a lot worse situations than me.”

She’d just been describing her struggles with a high-profile job, a disintegrating marriage and a demanding family life that had brought her to the point of burnout.

I appreciated what she was trying to do — take some perspective on her own struggles. Remind herself that she was fortunate compared to many others.

And, the truth is, she was. We are all fortunate compared with someone else. No matter how dire your situation, there will always be someone in a deeper pit, with a greater struggle.

But it’s not helpful — or fair — to minimise your own pain by benchmarking it against others.

And, when you do, you’re self-gaslighting.

“Someone who gaslights you is trying to talk you out of your experience to alleviate their shame and responsibility to an issue. It’s a tool to control and manipulate you.” — Dr. Henry Cloud