My Beef with Burgers
Disinterest in America’s favorite food
“Are you excited for KronerBurger?”
Jenn’s eye’s lit up and her voice raised a couple octaves. I knew her answer to that question. I also knew mine.
“No,” I flatly replied before her question could even echo off the kitchen wall.
My answer had no hints of sarcasm, but also no hints of anger, disappointment or disgust. Jenn was a little dejected by my response, hoping I would equal or exceed her joy about the opening of a highly anticipated eatery. But, when it comes to hamburgers, I muster very little feeling in either direction. Mostly, they just bore the hell out of me.
A staple of the American cuisine, the hamburger has come to represent the US in the same fashion as the bald eagle, Uncle Sam, or crippling debt. The burger is what people see when they see food in America: A stereotypical white American male flipping burgers at a summer cookout; McDonald’s signs boasting billions served; Immigrants opening eateries not featuring cuisine mastered over generations of family meals, but boasting the best burger in town. Anywhere one turns, in any region of the country, hamburgers are being pressed, grilled, flipped and devoured.
The hamburger is one of the few items that can be featured in every state on a regular basis. Beef ranches are prominent throughout the country, producing nearly 26 billion pounds of product in 2013. It’s no shock that the burger has remained at the top as the face of American food. Still, I can’t get excited over ground beef.
Growing up, I ate a lot of ground beef. It’s likely because my mom ate a lot of ground beef in her youth, a staple of poor American households. It’s affordability lends itself to being a feature in cheap, filling meals. It was prevalently featured in the recipes she learned from my nana. Plus, my mother wasn’t much of a cook and ground beef was simple to make. With two working adults and two activity-involved children, the drive-thru was fixture in our family and the hamburger was the poison of choice. As I’ve grown, so have my tastes. Many flavors from my childhood have been shunned in favor of new, exotic palette pleasers — things I never would have experienced under the tyranny of my father’s blandness. None have fallen further than the hamburger — the epitome of basic.
Simple, easy to eat, and easy to make, the appeal of the hamburger is understandable. Then again, there are endless comparable dishes that outshine the burger on every level. A perfectly grilled Reuben, a pulled pork sandwich, a hot Italian sub, or a cheesesteak will get me more excited than even the best hamburger. Grinding up a tough cut of beef and topping it with an expansive array of condiments does not make a better burger. Adding foie gras or house-cured bacon only accentuates the mediocrity of the beef patty, highlighting it’s lack of flavor. It may create menu appeal for the masses, but I still see the burger for what it is — cheap meat likely to be overcooked.
I still respect the burger. It’s a nostalgia-based affection for many. It’s a reminder of cookouts of yesteryear, An appeal to early independence, as many teens found asylum at the local burger joint. I know I did. These days, if I get a craving for a burger, it’s specifically for In-N-Out. But, that’s about it. So many times I’ve been asked if I’ve been to a trendy new restaurant. If the answer is no, it’s usually followed with, “You have to go. Their burger is amazing!” I may get there one day, but it sure won’t be for ground chuck.
The hamburger isn’t going anywhere. Bald eagles will go extinct before the burger is knocked from the throne as America’s favorite food. Some see the burger as separating the patriots from the infidels. I see it as separating the boring from the adventurous. Enjoy all the burgers you want. Offer me one, and I may even say yes. But don’t expect me to get excited about it.
