Happiness as…
a Choice.
Are you happy?
People usually don’t enquire about happiness. However, I have been told that I seemed happy several times over the past year. What a weird statement, I thought to myself, every single time. Was it a compliment? Its recurrence eventually prompted me to write this piece.
I am truly and genuinely happy, more so than I have ever been and it gets better everyday. How? Because I decided so. Simple as that. It has been three years now, almost to the day, and I am amazed at the road traveled as well as the ensuing growth.
From waking up and making a choice
Right, but what happened? Well, I had finally grown tired of being unhappy, meaning angry, sad, resentful, etc. Up to that point, I was carrying my life’s hurt around, keeping it alive, constantly reopening old wounds, happily adding new injuries to the count every chance I would get in order to feed my sweet and justified misery.
Somehow, the last blow I suffered had the opposite effect.
I had been complaining for so long. Enough was enough. I like to say that I snapped my fingers and everything changed. That is almost true: my mindset was actually the only thing that changed and those new glasses tainted my life with hope while filling it with joy. I had never realised that I was blind and I could suddenly see clearly.
To forgiving and healing
Indeed, I had not suffered at anyone’s hand other than my own and my so-called executioners were merely their own. The greatest discovery of all was that I was the first and maybe even the only person I needed to forgive in order to move on.
For the longest time I had been convincing myself that these offenses were too serious to ever come back from. The moment I started showing myself some compassion for giving them the time of day, I finally found peace and started to heal.
Through commitment
These lost years can never be recovered but I decided to use my past as a stepping stone, allowing me to conceive and build a brighter future right now.
However, more than a mere choice to make at a crossroad of life, it is a lifelong commitment.
I have taken the long road to get here but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I have grown to love my story just the way it is, hiccups and all. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would not even change a coma.
Timing is everything. I know now that nothing should ever be rushed nor craved. In my experience, such behaviours usually generate frustration and unhappiness. On the other hand, no one can expect life to unfold merrily at one’s feet without taking the first step(s) in the right direction.
Thus started my mesmerising journey of self inquiry and love.
Thank you for your time and consideration. May you also find your own peaceful path to happiness.
To Elisa, Metta.
This story is published in the Pursuit of Happiness, Medium’s unique publication on a Journey back to Self.
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