Mooney House.

Eat your heart out, Bob Vila: feast your eyes on The Edward Mooney House. It’s the oldest surviving row house in New York City, located on Pell Street and the Bowery. Built sometime between the British evacuation and New York’s designation as the nation’s capital (1785–1789), in theory it’s entirely possible George Washington could have soaked his wooden teeth here after a hearty repast of squab and ale. In theory, it’s possible and we like to imagine it.

It was built by a wealthy merchant named Edward Mooney, who was a prominent wholesale meat purveyor and a racehorse breeder. You’d think folks would have been uncomfortable conceptually with a meat salesman who raised horses, but these were Ye OIden Times. Anyway, the story goes that Mr. Mooney bought the land from the forfeiture of James Delancey. Old Delancey was a Loyalist during the American Revolution, and so when the British (spoiler alert!) lost the war, Delancey’s assets were seized. Thus Mooney was able to build what would become his enduring legacy: this house. Inside, the building still contains its original hand-hewn timbers — possibly hewn from the same good wood that made General Washington’s teeth.

Mooney lived in the house until his death c.1800. It was reborn as a tavern in the 1820′s, was then a general store and hotel, soon after a pool parlor, next a brothel, followed by a restaurant and a Chinese club, and most recently and boringly, a bank. It last changed hands in 2012 by a buyer for just under $5.4 million, which is unquestionably a heckuva lot of Washingtons.