Fear Based Decisions Only Hold You Back
The Final Unmasking
It’s time to emerge from the shadows.
This morning I shared my name on Instagram. “M. Campbell”.
That’s right.
My name is Melanie Campbell. (I haven’t changed the handle yet because it could be confusing, but I will very soon!)
I’ve also changed the profile pictures to add a layer of transparency!
I suppose the question still remains, why? Why hide behind a pen-name in the first place? And the answer is pretty straightforward:
Fear.
When I chose to use a pen-name, I did my due diligence. I researched the issue and felt confident that I was making the right choice, and I stand by my decision.
I don’t regret it because at the time, anonymity was what I needed to feel secure in my work.
Pen names
Also known as pseudonyms are actually very common in writing. Often they are used to protect the identity of the author in the case of personal stories.
Or sometimes, a well established author wants to branch out of their genre and go “off-brand”, and so they use a different name to prevent backlash from readers.
I was in the first category. I write about personal issues and I was scared that my writing would be found by family members.
Generally speaking, they aren’t the most open minded people, and certainly do not share feelings or sentiment.
This bit from John Mulaney perfectly summarizes how my family deals with feelings.
I died of laughter when I first heard it because it was so true to my experience!
That was why I chose to write under a pen name.
But, it outlived its use, and for some weeks I’ve been itching to make a change.
This is the result of a fundamental shift in my mind as well. Since I’ve been growing as a person, I’ve really taken more control of my actions, reclaimed my confidence, and shed a lot of fear based impulses.
That’s not to say the fear is gone, but fear does not have to control me.
The Importance of Perception
Because my family is not open with their feelings, they are also not open with their opinions. I never knew, and I still don’t really know what they think of me, and naturally I assume the worst.
Part of growing is realizing that outside validation is not necessary.
I placed too much importance on what they thought of me, and not enough on what I thought of myself.
Self-perception and holding yourself in high esteem makes a difference when it comes to taking action. Limiting beliefs are a vicious cycle which prevent action and growth. And such issues take time and hard work to resolve.
And the truth is that I have plenty to offer as me, as Melanie, that hiding behind Lane is only going to hold me back. Letting go of my family’s opinion took a while, (and I’m not completely past it), but I’m not letting that fear control my actions! And that’s the difference.
Credit
I have two big projects in the works, and at the end of the day, I want to be able to put my name on them because it was me who did the work.
- A volume of poems, some of which you can read on my Instagram page.
- And a memoir, which will take a least another year until it can see the light of day.
So, a huge thank you for your patience and understanding! It was never my intention to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes! I was just afraid of the possibilities.
I also want to thank Tim Rettig and Jordan Gross who both had email correspondences with me, and have seen and known my real name. You guys are doing great work and I appreciate your discretion!
If you have any interest in what I’m working on, check my Instagram! @thelanecarrigan I’m saving plenty more for an illustrated volume, but any support makes a huge difference!
Thank you as always!
The mask is finally off.
-Melanie Campbell
