A Minute at the Music Hall

A Vaudeville

Sir James stands center stage wearing a tuxedo and speaking to the audience.

JAMES:

Good evening everyone, tonight I have an amazing show to announce and the performances can only be described as stupendously fantastic! Before your very eyes you’ll witness the destruction of David the Indestructible, you’ll be uplifted by elegant ecclesiastical hymns and mystified by Miss Elaine Woodard’s Wonders!

ENTER TOM dressed in plaid suit and bowler hat.

TOM:

I say, I say, I say!

JAMES:

I’m in the middle of introducing the show Tom! Don’t come on stage and say I say, I say, I say!

TOM:

I see, I see, I see!

JAMES:

Well? What is it!?

TOM:

My dog has no nose.

JAMES:

No nose? Why did you buy him?

TOM:

He was given to me!

JAMES:

Why didn’t you give him back?

TOM:

That’s not the point. My dog has no nose!

JAMES:

Do you have any other pets?

TOM:

What does that got to do… Yes, a cat!

JAMES:

Oh, you have a cat. Does he have a nose?

TOM:

Yes, of course he does! But my DOG has no nose!

JAMES:

We’ve established that.

TOM:

You’re missing the point of this bit!

JAMES:

I am?

TOM:

MY DOG HAS NO NOSE!

JAMES:

How does he smell?

TOM:

Thank you! Terrible! I say, I say, I say!

TOM EXITS

JAMES SIGHS AND EXITS.