756 days ago, I published my last post on the presence of a spiritual connection in my life. With that I invited speculations of all kinds. Questions ranging from curiosity about my life to slightly judgemental views around being a closet hippie.
A lot has happened since then and by that I mean Change, in every way possible.
577 days ago, I rewrote the “Basic Information” column on Facebook with brand new information, that I am since processing myself. Coming from a cultural background, as myself, you’re always taught about how sacred the bond of marriage is. For the first 20 years of a woman’s life, in my culture she’s taught how a lifetime commitment changes her life and brings out this feminine, hair-always-done-right woman who magically goes around the house fixing everything smiling confidently at the end of the day.
Very little is spoken about the biggest change that a woman embraces in her life, The Identity Shift.
From the doe-eyed always-pretty girlfriend, you’re now expected to use your best judgement on whether or not the last week’s grocery list is going to cover the the next week! Let’s hold onto that sinking feeling here for a second, and move on the next one.
In any third-world economy, the cheap labour often times spoils you rotten. In majority of upper middle class households, children are only expected to do what they’re sent to college for. Basic life skills like — cooking, cleaning, DIY projects etc. are left to the less fortunate to handle.
In the first 365 days of this ‘change’, I realized that I’m on my own in the fastest city in the world, without a stable job & losing my internal motivation by the second, an uncomfortable new identity to embrace and zero life skills to get by.
35 days in, you are in a brand new city where you always dreamed of being — however, you’re on the other side of your dream. You’re not the fast edge career woman you’ve always dreamt of rather, you’re sitting in your apartment trying to awkwardly fit into a very large crowd of fast edge career women.
Getting back to the sinking feeling we were holding onto before about that newly found identity. Fairly quickly you realize, its almost impossible to look like you’re going on a date at all times with your freshly turned husband. While he’s dealing with his fair share of changes, you hit the spot where you realize its time you bring the fixer-hair-always-done-smiles-at-night lady out of her hiberanation.
You try, you try harder but that lady is nowhere to be found!
Frustrated, disappointed and petrified you think you’ve hit rock bottom. You’ve almost given up on that mrs-always-right when suddenly it dawns upon you that — you’re not in the wrong lane, the story has been told wrong for centuries.
That lady is you and has always been.
But she is not the brooms-away-troubles lady, she tries & gets it wrong like everybody else and then eventually she gets it right. She’s fascinating, she’s creative & she dreams big, very big. The difference is the new identity that she accepts is her dream not the broom that comes with it.
Women have been told this twisted tale of responsibilities for centuries so they mentally prepare themselves to embrace a role of two onto herself. Thats probably why women are more clinically depressed than men.
108 days ago, I decided to write again. The new identity takes time to settle in but whats harder is accepting that what you’ve been told since you were a child isn’t real.
For every woman, who chooses to start this new journey — remember the broom does not exist. This journey is the change — its not always pretty, its not perfect but its your chance to craft your own story and not walk the blind prewritten path laid down before you. In this journey, a lot will be expected of you and a lot will be given to you. You’ll learn new things about your partner every second. You’ll be given a new set of family, who will know you as less as you know them but they’re not on the outside looking inside — they’re a big part of that change and more often than not, they’re more loving than your own family. You will stumble, you will frown but you’ll get through — because there lies no handbook for this change.
765 days later, you’re reading a blog of a woman who sort-of-kind-of discovered her new identity. She’s living her dream of living in the city-that-never-sleeps living with the man she fell in love with the beat of Neil Young, and chasing her dream of success in the giant world of advertising.
The only constant remains, her undying love of Writing.