“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:” — Ecclesiastes 3:1
This season is ending. I have been editing/publishing One Minute Wit for over two years now. I have enjoyed the experience, but my heart hasn’t been in it for a while. That tells me it is time to take a break.
I know this makes me sound wishy-washy only one week after writing about how I will be pickier with submissions. …
If you’re so very patient; if you give your mom and dad your paw often enough; if you promise not to bark at other dogs while walking on your leash;
If you restrain yourself when the pan is placed on the table; for your fifth birthday, look what you get:
Even if it’s Stouffers.
Here is what I did a few years ago when I was single:
The band had played about an hour in the packed bar with a dance floor when 2 guys stopped me and said, “We’ve been watching you. You have danced with nearly every woman in this place. How do you do it?”
If that fails or you don’t dance, the internet works, too.
If you change just one letter, most words are spelled wrong.
That’s an unrealistically high standard, if you ask me.
Most teachers disagree.
You’ve been warned.
—Andy Close. Hay Springs, Nebraska.
More advice from kids:
People have always complained about vending machines taking their money and not receiving their selected product. Untold millions have been victimized by vending machines since these diabolical machines were installed to mentally unbalance humankind around the world.
I have always been able to receive the product I selected and paid for. It requires using physicality upon the offending machine that would be against the Geneva Convention if it had applied to machines.
Then the unthinkable happened. The Carvana Company came out with a new car vending machine. These machines are now in at least five states. You have 32 selections of cars to choose from. …
“Let me get this straight.”
“You leave me a huge bowl of water every morning, and then expect me to wait until you get home from work to go outside and pee.”
“But you get to pee in the house?”
More Three Line Conversations:
I’ll be the first to admit I don’t get the whole “dog culture” but it’s so pervasive I feel a bit left out. Adopting a dog is a gamble though, like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.
When I was a kid, most people had a mutt of some genetic soup or another. …
Emerging from the basement workshop, he announced, “I finally threw away some of that stuff in the fix-it box.”
“Throw it all away,” she answered. “I got all new stuff.”
“Then it all worked out for the best,” he replied, and said no more. Long experience had taught him not to ask what the best had cost.