The Zen of Nom
I’ve always loved food. And I’ve always been depressed. Combining those two is finally bringing me closer to Zen.
Ever since I can remember I’ve had times of “low moods” (my psychologist avoids the “d” word). They were followed by better days, sure, but usually there was this grey cloud above my head, a pet that no one ever dreams of. I have a handful of very vivid memories from my childhood, and when prompted, the “low mood” ones pop up first: Girls from my block, my first friends, running away from me because I was chubby and weird. Getting bullied, because I was chubby, weird and changed schools a lot.
I’ve entered puberty with this grey cloud, and it followed me around well into adulthood. We’re on better terms now, sometimes we exchange a polite nod when our eyes meet in the mirror. But there are moments where it takes over my whole life, and the entire world loses colour and spark, and me, my will; Those are particularly hard days.
But then there are good ones, too. Ones that later on become good memories: Grandma picking me up from kindergarten and our daily stop to buy a Kinder Egg. That time my mum taught me to make Christmas dumplings. My first big alone trip abroad and eating violet gelato in a park in a tiny Italian town.
It took a lot of soul-searching, thought, cooking and eating (and developing an unhealthy relationship to food and continuously working on getting over it) to finally realize how food is the source of my Zen.
It’s such a funny, simple word: Food. Four letters, but one is doubled, so it doesn’t really count, one syllable that combines a whole world of meaning.
Farmers who devote time and love to grow the ingredients. The work of their hands, their knowledge, and experience that gives us an everyday choice.
Past generations that weave this incredibly complex web we call ‘culture.’ The idea that is so hard to explain, but one that brings a tear to your eye when you smell a familiar childhood dish while walking down the street on the other side of the world.
Scientists that explain what is inside the food we eat and how it nourishes us. From the purest ingredients, like flour, to the most complex mille-feuilles with creme patisserie and edible gold.
The food itself, the appearance, smell, flavour, texture and myriads of other factors that make up this silly little word.
And finally, its preparation. Bringing all your favourite people together in the kitchen and cooking. A task that is actually an excuse to spend time in one place with your loved ones and prepare a stunning meal that leaves everyone happy and satisfied. Or making your staple at 2 in the morning with synthpop in your headphones. Bread, peanut butter and jam, three ingredients that you can combine with your eyes closed, which you probably do.
Food. A universe of meaning behind it and even more emotions tied to it.
Like the satisfaction of the first bite of a homemade dinner at the end of a long day.
The curious joy of experiencing new culture’s flavours.
Pride in waiting for your sourdough loaf to rise.
And tell me you don’t feel at peace when you bite into the first perfect strawberry of the season. That moment when your whole being just focuses on you and how you experience it.
It might be obvious to many, but it took me 28 years to figure out.
The Zen of the world, your body and your mind standing still together in peace.
The Zen of Nom.
