Whole Foods Now Has A ‘Produce Butcher’ That Will Chop Up Your Fruits & Veggies
Another win for lazy cooks!
Just when you thought people couldn’t get any lazier, the new Whole Foods store in NYC has introduced the “produce butcher” concept which is someone who will slice and dice your fruits and vegetables for a small fee.
I want to hate this, but it’s a genius idea.
Why?
Because there are some fruits and vegetables that I specifically don’t buy, because they are a pain in the ass to chop up.
Below is the list of produce that is acceptable to be sent to the Produce Butcher.
Pineapple
Have you ever tried to cut up a fresh pineapple? It’s basically impossible. By the end of it, you only have 1/3 of the pineapple left to eat and that’s assuming it’s not covered in blood from slicing off a piece of a finger. My rule of thumb is any fruit that requires a YouTube video to figure out how to cut it up is too hard in my book.
Spicy Peppers
Chopping up a spicy pepper is the single most dangerous activity in the kitchen. It doesn’t matter how careful you are or much hand washing you do, the spicy pepper juices always linger. Anyone that has ever scratched their privates after dicing up a spicy pepper will gladly pay $1 per pound to have the Produce Butcher’s privates burn instead of theirs.
Sweet Potato
I had to include an asterisk for the sweet potato because it is only acceptable to be sent to the Produce Butcher for raw dog dicing purposes. Cutting through a raw sweet potato requires nearly as much physical training as completing a Spartan Race and since you aren’t training right now (you’ll start in the summer..duh), feel free to send the sweet potato to the butcher!
Mango
The mango is a sneaky hard fruit to chop. The flesh sticks to the peel. The seed is large and off-center. If it were up to me, cutting up a mango into perfect little cubes would be an Olympic sport. The mango shelf in the grocery store should have a “Do Not Try Cutting This Up At Home”warning sign just so the person knows what kind of struggle they are about to get themselves into.
Watermelon
The first slice of a watermelon is one of the most intimidating things in this world. I’ve been known to buy watermelons from the grocery store and let it go waste due to sheer terror of making the dreaded first cut. Then, once you finally man up and slice open the watermelon, it takes hours to cut up the entire thing and watermelon juice ends up everywhere. No thanks.
If you send any other fruit or vegetable to the Produce Butcher besides the ones above, you are one lazy S.O.B.
What fruit or vegetable do you hate chopping up the most? Comment below or tweet us @OneTakeAtATime.
