What does parenting have to do with loose-lead walking?
I love walking my dogs. Sort of. The walking part is good. Being in nature is great. Watching the sun rise is awesome. But when Lusa pulls on the lead with the strength she’s pulling a freight train, I hate it. My lovely, relaxing walk turns into a fight for control, we’re both frustrated and stubborn. Taking the dogs for a walk becomes a chore, something that just has to be done with gritted teeth.
So I did some research on loose-lead walking and apparently it is one of the hardest skills to master as it requires from us human masters patience and consistency. These two qualities seem to be easily influenced by our mood, our level of fatigue and our motivation of the moment. It seems we are inconsistently being patient and consistent which is a pretty big concern.
In addition, something called thigmotaxis plays a big part in what’s going on when dogs pull on their leads. Thigmotaxis refers to the instinctual response of any living creature to push against or away from physical contact or from any force applied in their direction. If someone pushes us, we push back.
This got me thinking. I’m a parent of a ten year old girl (who thus falls into the category of any living creature) and am often around other ten year olds or parents. I also occasionally read newspapers, see the news on TV, read social media and listen to radio.
What I observe is the relationships between kids and their parents are often a strain; neither party is really enjoying the other. Both parties can be in a stubborn fight for control or the upper hand. Many times I have seen toddlers pulling one way and their parent pulling the other, both end up in a tantrum. Often a grace period in the tween years, with the pull-push-pull scenario playing out again in the teenage years.
Doesn’t this sound like the dog who has yet to master loose-lead walking???
And isn’t what we all really want in our parent-child relationships loose-lead walking?
Going back to the doggie behaviour. Three behaviours that we want most to encourage from the dog are:
- To look at us, because we need the dog to pay attention;
- Put slack in the leash; and
- Walk by our side.
Together the dog and its master learn loose-lead walking as they learn to move together. As the dog pays greater attention, the lead tension dissolves and over time, man and dog walk through life together, in true harmony.
From our kiddies we want to encourage similar behaviours:
- Eye contact and connection with us parents. We both need the love and intimacy that connection provides;
- Understanding and willingness. The boundaries we set — the ones that make sense — leave our kiddies feeling secure and safe, feeling guided in life, without imposition or control; and
- Equal-ness. Parents and children walking side by side together, in total acceptance of each other, no one better than the other because of age, equal to each other in wisdom.
Living in a strained relationship isn’t normal and we shouldn’t settle for it if that is what we currently have. Being a parent is easy; it just takes work, patience and consistency (among a billion other qualities) to get to the stage where you and your child are loose-lead walking too.
