One at a time— a roadmap to trick my distracted brain into change

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different”

C.S. Lewis

If you are thinking 2 years from now, what kind of person would you like to be? And what version of the future would disappoint you? Oftentimes I think of what I would like to be, do, become. When I was a kid I used to imagine myself in my twenties — which seemed to be really old back then — I thought I will be a journalist, a writer or a flight attendant. I thought I will have long blonde hair, I will laugh a lot. Now I think that it would make sense to go vegetarian, be a selling photographer and to calm down a bit. But are these things what I really want? Will they bring about a person I will enjoy being in some years? I wanted to know and I came with an experimental approach to test it.

The reason

I remember, it had to be around mid 2016, a few months into my self-induced unemployment. I was having a drink with my friend and ex-boss, telling him about this job ad somebody sent me that I really think would fit me. It was in London, in a big publishing house. I also told him, I am dreading writing an application, that it just doesn’t want to appear on my screen, everything I produce is crap and I started to hate the thought of sitting down and trying again. But I really wanted that job! “Well”, he said, “maybe you don’t really want this job deep inside of you. Otherwise you would have sent it out already”. My initial reaction was denial — what?! Of course I wanted it. I just couldn’t, I just hated, I just…Then it hit me that he might be right. If I really wanted it, I would have done it. Just as I did with my current job — I produced an excellent application within 3 hours and I sent it the second day after I found out about it. I got the job.

I started to understand that there is a difference between what we might want on the surface and what we really want, intrinsically. This is not to say, I won’t have to work hard to get it — on the contrary. With the right motivation coming from within, I will find the strength to go where I need to go. With the superficial one, I will always find excuses.

It is of course not that linear, there need to be helping factors. External pressure helps me a great deal — if this job didn’t have a deadline, I would probably slack off for a while, because I needed to sleep a bit more to be in a better shape to write the perfect one. Or whatever other reason I always find to fill the time I am given.

When spending the end of the year 2017 on Tenerife island, I started to analyze: what can I do this year to feel the same sense of achievement I had when I started to drive a car last year (the only resolution I actually made happen and I’m proud of it each time I engage the first gear!).

Although I like to think of myself as a relatively creative person, I also love data, measuring my life (yes, I’m one of those who track their steps) and I’m game for gamification. I am also easily bored and distracted, I jump from one activity to another and if there is no external pressure: I have trouble being persistent. There is just too many things in the world I want to try! Paralysis analysis is what happens next.

The method

When having a shower enjoying the rays of sun in December, I came up with a way to trick myself into persistence in small iterations. I hereby announce my One_Change_At_a_Time program for impatient want-it-all people. This is how I came to it:

• There are several things I want to try and I want to know which influence they have on my life. I need to isolate the change factor to be able to see at least a correlation.
• I have a pretty busy day job so I can’t be forced to devote too much time or effort into new things. It has to be quick and it has to be easy. Every time I plan something it is just too ambitious and I get frustrated. So every idea I will come up with, I will tone it down one bit. I am fast to feel guilty and this is very contra-productive. Keep it nice, easy and achievable. I want persistence, not world records.
• I love change and new stuff: the idea of doing something, one thing a year is overwhelming and kills all the joy right at the start. I need quick iterations with visible results.
• Finally, I need breaks and space to relax if my routine track of life (job, partner, family, dentists, administration!) will require more of my attention.

The rules

Here is what I commit to this year:

During ten out of twelve months I will try to change something in my life for a month of time. Not longer and not shorter. After the month, I can easily drop it if I don’t like it or continue if it became a habit I enjoy. No obligations beyond the month. After a month I will report to myself on how the month went, did I feel good, did I feel bad, did anything change at all?

I can distribute my changes throughout the year as I like and can shuffle them at any time. For example: if I know I will go to Japan in June (that’s real!), I won’t commit to being vegetarian or reading a book. If I know I will have to work like crazy in March I might not commit to anything at all. You see the point. Keep it easy and stress free. The things I will commit to are not too hard, they only need persistence. One change at a time. And finally, if I will feel I really don’t want to do something, I don’t have to — I can change my commitments up to 4 times, let’s call it Joker cards. Did I mention, easy?

In a way it’s like Scrum. My goal for 2018 is a map of good habits. I want to identify what influences my life in which way and what I enjoy as opposed to what I dread. I will iterate month by month, adding and eliminating parts of my map and I will remain flexible as to needs that may occur on the way.

Sober meditating pescatarian with basic coding skills and a camera

This is the list of choices as I thought about it now:

• No alcohol. Why? Cause I don’t really need it anymore, it makes you weary, old and fat. Wine will be a challenge though.
• No meat (fish is ok). Why? I am scared I will die of a heart attack or stroke and I need to prevent it. Also, animals and the costs of the industry. I can’t go completely off the grid from zero to one so first, pescatarian.
• Every day meditation. Why? I need to see if it is true — will this dramatically improve my life quality and calm down the raging person in me? (Attention: this one I started in January and it’s almost done!)
• 1,5l water every day. Why? Water is the most essential thing in our lives. Helps a ton. With everything. I read it on Quora and in thousand other places. Learn Portuguese every day a bit. Why? My man is Portuguese, I might move to Lisbon and I need to speak it. Period.
• Writing a journal page every day. Why? I know it is therapeutic and I love writing, I just need to start!
• Drop Facebook (or all social media), tbd. Why? I waste too much time.
• Read one entire book in this month. Why? I need to read less fragmented knowledge and read more holistic thought chains. Also, good for my English skills. There is more than Netflix to evenings.
• Every day 15min of yoga at home. Why? Because: hello!Yoga!
• Focus on brushing up my photography skills (maybe even take a course?). Why? Because I feel that there is something for me there and I need to be more systematic about it. I want to kill it with photography one day.
• Finish a CodeAcademy course. Why? Everybody needs these skills and I’m fast. I want to dig deeper!
• Being kinder to myself. Forgiving myself, no questions asked, for eating too much chocolate, for being a bit lazy or failing at work. Giving myself permission to not be perfect. I need this desperately and a month seems like a time my inner critic would allow for (hopefully, just for starters).
• No sweets for a month. This will be hard so it is totally up for a Joker already. I once tried a sugar-free 2-weeks diet and stopped after 4 days.

Come with me on this journey in 2018 and hold me accountable. I work well with external pressure and I am terrible with internal promises.

Let’s go 2018, let’s gamify!