Diary of an Ex Theater Kid

I have undiagnosed PTSD from doing high school theater.

I was one of those kids in high school who was looking for something fun to do after school and stupidly decided that high school theater was the right path for me. Every day from 6 pm to 9 pm, students from my high school were drilling together ten-foot-tall platforms that other high school students were expected to perform on while the “professional adults” supervised us to make sure no one died. My high school can proudly exclaim that its stage crew students built many trees, four to be exact, throughout my years. I, a 16-year-old, 4ft 11inch tall girl, built a ten-foot-tall tree. Yeah, my high school theater experience was no fucking joke.

And this got me thinking: I have a love-hate relationship with high school theater.

Going to see a musical on Broadway or seeing any performance in a theater is such an enriching experience. We all know and love the musicals circling pop culture such as, “Hamilton”, “Les Misérables”, “Phantom of the Opera”, and “The Lion King” just to name a few. Even if you haven’t seen them on Broadway or off-Broadway, everyone has vaguely heard of these mainstream, award winning theater pieces because they’re always circulating the media.

As you can see, Google shows how many people have searched for “Broadway tickets”, “Musicals” and “Theater plays” within the past year. Everyone knows Broadway and there is an extreme following for musicals in general. A lot of people are patrons for watching a Broadway performance but not a lot of people have the passion for participating in a performance whether it be a part of; the cast, the people performing on stage; stage crew, the people behind the scenes; or pit, the instrumentalists. Passions like such, start very early on in someone’s adolescent years either through their parents’ interest or from their own fruition.

A majority of people participate in theater at an early age, either during elementary school, high school or in a community theater setting. Some students become inspired to pursue theater as a possible career too. Working in the Admissions department at Arcadia University, I see a lot of prospective theater students visiting the institution. Just this past year, there were 62 students who applied to the theater program and they were from all around the United States.

https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/edit?mid=1ExPgnveTtzzlY75Dn-JZLV348c5FDB7B&usp=sharing

Minus one student who was homeschooled, all these students participated in their high school theater program, fell in love with the art and decided to continue that career in college.

I spoke to a student who did theater in high school and continued to major in it in her college career. Anna Davis recounts her experiences both in her adolescent years and later on.

As Anna Davis pointed out in her interview, even though theater changed her life, there exists this darker side to theater. Even on social media today, there have been many trends on TikTok, exposing high school theater directors for being abusive, pedophiles and the experience as a whole was unraveled as traumatic.

In my own personal experience, my friends would spend late nights practicing the same dance moves over and over again for “Telephone Hour” and they would only get a single 30 minute break after eight hours of constant moving. I would stay until 11 pm trying to not give myself cuts and splinters, exhausted out of my mind. High school theater was mentally, emotionally and physically draining, and it seems to be the common experience everywhere.

High schoolers who participate in theater productions at such an early age face the anxiety of being looked under a microscope and having every detail about their lives analyzed. Because they believe they can’t live up to the expectations of society, young developing students grow more and more anxious. Their “talents” and abilities are expected to be at a higher level because of how they were perceived at a younger age. Not to mention how if they misstepped or sang a wrong note during a performance, they were ridiculed by their director, someone they looked up to. How can that be a suitable environment for someone who is still in their early stages of growing and discovering who they are?

I haven’t even mentioned the conditions that these students are in. I visited a high school in Deleware County, Pennsylvania that hasn’t made any rennovations to its auditorium in 50 years. This was where stage crew builds their sets and where they host mass (because it’s a Catholic school) as well as their fall and spring musicals.

The following photos were all taken on March 12, 2022 between 12:00 PM & 2:00 PM.

Bryan Ambler and three students (names redacted) are in the Archbishop John Carroll High School auditorium building the structural foundation for their musical theater production of “The Addams Family”. This photo is taken minutes following the photographer’s arrival as the group prepares the tools and pieces they need to begin the day.

Two students (names redacted) are making sure the legs of the platform are level and even while Mike Ambler is on his computer checking the attendance of the stage crew members. He is unattentive to the students as he already gave them instructions on what to work on earlier.

Male student (name redacted) cuts a 2 x 4 piece of wood to build a frame for the next platform in the Stage Right Wing. He learns that he needs to remeasure and recut the piece due to the wood being an inch too long. The identity of “Keem” is unknown.

This piece, located in the Stage Left Wing is going to be used in the opening scene of the show when Wednesday Addams is seen torturing her brother, Pugsley. While this piece is not finished, it sits backstage, ready for adjustments and color design.

Two chairs are located in the Stage Right Wing that will act as seating for Morticia and Gomez Addams during the show. Mike Ambler orders newer, fresher cushions to make them not look so old and decrepit.

Old props and equipment from other shows are stored in the Stage Right Wing. Members of past stage crew years have painted on the walls to remind cast members to keep quiet backstage and their legacy lives on through the painted walls.

The Paint Room backstage located farther down in Stage Right. Stage crew members from the past paint the walls and use the space to store their paint supplies, wash brushes and show their art. Their memory lives on through the paint on the concrete wall.

The Tool Room located in the Stage Right hallway just to the right of Downstage. This room is used to store all the tools such as drills, hammers, measuring instruments, etc. The space is small and cramped, filled with cabinets and shelves to store the equipment.

The only First Aid kit in the immediate area is located in front of a wall in the Tool Room. The outlines on the back wall are used to show where tools specifically go when they are returned to the room.

Buckets of screws are seen all throughout the Tool Room. Mike Ambler purchases over 20 buckets of screws in his years as Technical Director, an administrator in charge of the members of stage crew at the high school. He believes he will need to buy many more for this show specifically.

Mike and Brian Ambler debrief in the middle of the six-hour build day to discuss what needs to be built next. As the students work on their assigned projects, the set is still far from complete and Mike and Brian set aside time to assess the current situation.

Stage crew works day in and day out to make the set look suitable for performing. I would spend my entire weekends at school, lifting wooden platforms, organizing micellaneous 2x4s and getting paint all over my clothes all for the sake of a weekend’s worth of performances.

So why do students participate in theater arts if it results in danger and extreme fatigue? Despite all the hardships, and pressure they put on themselves, in the end, when opening night arrives, all that hard work pays off.

I talked to the pit director for Archbishop John Carroll High School’s production of “The Addams Family” and asked about his experience working with young musicians on such a unique sound track.

Pat D’Amato sees the potential in his students and is willing to help them succeed in anyway he can. While theater is constantly a work in progress, the evolution that arises as students practice and get familiar with the plot is rewarding to directors, parents, peers and other members of the audience.

As another part of my research, I asked a former pit member what she thought about her experience and whether or not she felt ignored by her director (not D’Amato). While pit members don’t receive the recognition they deserve, they are still an integral part of the production.

Grace Fry, former pit member who played percussion says, “Yes, I do feel that the pit was often ignored by directors and audiences. However, as a pit member your job is to be heard and not seen, so I wouldn’t take any offense if the audience focused more on cast members. With directors it’s a bit a of a different story, while the pit at ACTS was run by a different person other than the directors of the musical and I can see why the pit can be less important on the list of things to perfect for the show, I would have liked to see more collaboration between the director and my band director. Especially with the synchronicity between the voices in the show and the loudness of the band. Despite all of this, cast and crew always made an effort to appreciate the pit and I was very grateful for that.”

Theater isn’t perfect and I don’t want to shit on all forms of theater. I actually really enjoyed my time doing theater in high school. I made a lot of friends through the experience and I always say, “Trauma brings people together like nothing else.” Even though certain people made theater horrible for all of us during those times, I think it offers us a chance to grow as people and lets us be aware of how childhood experiences really force us to evolve.

Ultimately, I don’t regret doing theater. I don’t even wish anything went differently. I just want people to learn and understand that the good times offer great memories and the bad times help us know what we are capable of and allow us to change for the better. High school theater is a mentally draining program to be a part of but when you are surrounded by people who are constantly supporting you, everything is worth it in the end.

Students who don’t play sport or are artistic in anyway find solice in theater and geniunely enjoy putting in the dedication and time towards a project that they’re proud of. This is an avenue that also fosters self-growth and helps developing students learn more about their talents and capabilities. Theater, whether it’s on Broadway or at a high school in the middle of nowhere, brings about community and while there are bumps in the road, the sun will come out tomorrow.

Maybe you can visit a local high school in your area who has a theater program and appreciate all the hardwork these students put into their performance. Because it’s a rough experience, but from a high school theater kid, I continued doing theater because people were so surprised at how dedicated we were to the arts. When we are acknowledged for everything we’ve been through, it is worth every second of all the stress we collectively experienced.