#OpenGender Monologues — Abuse of power comes with no surprise
As I read the women stories from the OGP Summit I thought about the power dynamics at hand. They made me think of a story I did not share then, but which I will share now.
This story is about the power dynamics in our space, and really many other spaces as well. I was told indirectly of an incident at an event about two participants. He was harassing her, asking for her mobile phone and hotel numbers, repeatedly asking her out to dinner, with no sense of self-awareness or her uncomfortable demeanour that politely declined every time. She did not want others to know because of his job title, his position and his status. She was in disbelief that anything could come out of that. That justice could be made. And in a way, she was right. It made me sick to my stomach to acquire this piece of information, but I wanted to do something with it. So I told my boss who agreed that it was inappropriate and wrong and that they would not be invited to such an event again. But that was it. There was no confrontation, there was no follow up. In part, this was to protect her identity and stance. Technically, I was not supposed to know. None of the organisers were. So this was coming half way, but it still felt that it was not enough. I still felt uneasy. I wonder how she feels about it all now.
Every now and then I come back to Jenny Holzer’s “Abuse of power comes with no surprise”. For me, this sentence evolves over time, through new experiences, mostly unpleasant, but always life changing. Justice is deeply rooted as one of my values, yet I do not like to wear it on my sleeve. The more I learn, the more I realise that everything comes back to power. It cannot be avoided. And in our space of “open”, as women, I think about these dynamics a lot. The powerful can do damage, and get away with it. No one speaks up: the victims don’t; the bystanders don’t; the perpetrators certainly don’t. This behaviour is inappropriate and should definitely not be tolerated. Yet it often is, through silence, even though we call it the open space, where we call stuff to be in the open so we can make the world a better place.
This isn’t an even playing field. If you have your creep radar on at every professional event you attend, there is a sense of uneasiness that you will carry with you, that will always linger. How does that make networking, your professional development and growth any easier? Knowing that you cannot just ignore some of these men with power that you often have to work with. They are unavoidable. In these scenarios, abuse of power does not always happen, but sometimes it does. And it’s not something you or anyone can predict. So how do we protect ourselves? Our values? Our skills? Our positionality?
I do not have the answers to these questions. But I’m working on them.
No matter how you want to voice your opinion, by signing your name, anonymously, through a one-on-one conversation, online or offline, I think that conversation, in whichever form you choose to have it in, is good, therapeutic and needed. Trust is important here, so find someone who you trust and who trusts you.
Open Heroines is a great space for women. Sometimes even an oasis on a hard day. A reminder that you are not alone. As we climb the career ladder, abuse of power will be more evident. So I want to start building my armour now, building a strong network of friends and allies, sharing stories. Because the battles I want to choose in my life, I don’t want them to be about and revolve around these men. I do not want them to stand in the way of me and my goals. Instead, I want my energy and productivity to go to the communities and people I care about, who are worth it.
