OPEN LETTERS
An Open Letter To The One And A Half Year Expired Beef Jerky I Ate Earlier.
Yes, I did eat a one-and-a-half-year expired beef jerky stick
Dear Jerky Stick,
I hope this letter finds you well. Life has been great in the twenty minutes since I took that single bite out of you. Ten percent of you are now traveling through my digestive system at a rapid rate.
How did I come upon you? Simple. I was looking for some cheap beef jerky when I saw that you were only $1.99 (USD). What a snag you were. I stuck you straight into my shopping cart. I will admit, you looked so tasty that I took no effort to ensure your freshness.
Technically, you were more of what you were meant to be. Does that make sense? Though, you were too much of what you were meant to be. Does that make sense?
I can not help but feel sincere for you. You did nothing wrong. You had been wronged. You had been left on the shelf for unsafe consumption. You expired in May of 2020. You had the taste of too much of something, because that is what you were, too much of something.
I apologize for throwing you away as I did. You now sit in a garbage bag from my local hardware store. You are now garbage, officially. You will not be there for long before you are brought to a landfill. From there, I do not know what will happen to you.
I hope you enjoy the remainder of your existence. For soon, you will be only a distant memory.
May you forever be beef,
Joe Baird
