on ethics, pulpits, and being woundable

ideas about being broken, and whether or not you’re right

Though I may think that I am right, these are the circumstances in which I have been raised, and I am submitting to the development of an idea that I may be wrong on most counts, if not all.

I think the most debilitating concept in our current religious culture is the idea that we are right about the gospel, or even that we have to be right about the gospel. That if we aren’t right, we can’t love. That if we can’t translate the gospel like scientific facts, we are at a loss. This is what brings debates, this is what causes people to be hurt, this is what encourages chasms in relationships and communities. No one has ever told me to stop caring about them when I showed earnest appreciation for them. No one has ever told me to prove that my love exists according to scientific facts and old egyptian historic records. No one has ever turned down a small favor or gift or conversation and rebuked my existence as heresy. So why do we even bring that to the table?

Explain to me which part of me finding it unnecessary to convince you that i am right about my spiritual beliefs prohibits me from loving or caring about you? Since when has it required religious affinity to have feelings or appreciate people? Then why do we preface our “outreaches” with that incorrigible idea?

At some point in our spiritual journey as a culture, probably incredibly early on, we got it stuck in our heads that if we are not right, we are wrong — and if we wrong, than our actions are meaningless. So we’re held to the expectation that we must be perfect. We call ourselves flawed, but we only do that to satisfy the 3rd step in the 10 steps to becoming a successful christian. We call ourselves unworthy, but only so we can show how worthy we think we are. If we say it enough, it has to be true. LOOK HOW HUMBLE I AM. I digress.

The gospel i want has nothing to do with the accuracy of it’s story. i want to learn how to curate relationships even in my brokenness, and i want to try and bring rehabilitation to the communities that i am a part of so that i can keep them, and so that i dont hurt anyone.

i think that we have the wrong idea about restoration. i think that if we aren’t trying to bring reconciliation, we can only be hurting. so it isn’t a question of whether or not you want to be a savior, it’s whether you want to hurt someone or not. in that, we find the willingness to be vulnerable, but more than that, woundable. to be open to being wounded. without that crucial substance, we have no relationship. we have no trust. we have no collateral or investment. without that crux, we are left with a collection of meaningless conversations and a handful of good experiences that for the most part could never have happened and we would remain the same.

so this isn’t me correcting you. this is me hoping to encourage an idea that i’m wrong, and that doesn’t have to mean that i need to be fixed. to encourage an idea that i’m wounded, but that doesn’t have to mean that i’m broken to the degree of being thrown away. to encourage an idea to put effort into knowing myself well, else i poison the communities i am a part of. a hope to encourage a way of living that doesn’t require religious absolution.