3 ways to say “I don’t know” and have productive discussions

Recently, one of our designers at OpenTable shared an article about managing ambiguity by Marta Harding, a senior design lead at IDEO. The article invited you to imagine being in a high-level stakeholder or client meeting and being asked an unexpected hardball question. The author then asked, “What would you say?”

The main point of the article was to learn to come from a place of confidence and vulnerability in saying “I don’t know yet” to a client, and then work together on solutions.

My first response was that saying “I don’t know” can be a vulnerable admission depending on where you are in your career and where you work.

Before I joined OpenTable I spent three years as a senior product designer at Pivotal Labs, a software consultancy that teaches lean UX and agile methods to startup and enterprise clients. I can tell you from experience that when a client pays $250 per hour for my design and product expertise, saying “I don’t know yet” doesn’t inspire trust or confidence in myself or the team. Like the author, I realized that I had to own that people were paying me for my ability to quickly and thoughtfully understand and solve problems, and not to have deep knowledge about a vertical or industry. However, I also discovered that if I came from a place of curiosity, I could generate a more positive engagement from our discussions.

Here’s my approach to using the “I don’t know” moment as an opportunity to have productive discussions.

1. Say “I don’t know” without saying so.

Say “Good question! I’m focused on understanding [this issue]” followed by one of three variants:

A. “I’d approach the problem this way...”

B. “What we’ve done in the past to get clarity is…”

C. “Tell me more…” Ask for clarification to understand any underlying concerns. There’s usually a deeper concern that’s not obvious until you ask more questions. When this becomes clear, you can then respond with A.

These statements help others see that you’re a problem-solver, which helps them feel confident working with you on this problem.

Follow up with: “What are your thoughts?”

Asking what others think steers the conversation towards collaboration and hopefully creativity, which is a much more fun and productive place to be when facing uncertainty together.

2. Start working through the problem together.

Write the question down (or on a whiteboard) and ask if there are other big questions we need to address. It’s important to figure out if the question is relevant and impactful relative to other problems you’re working on together. If possible, rank the questions problems or by business and user impact so you’re tackling the most impactful unknown first.

3. Ask for help.

If you think there are holes in your understanding, find a teammate you feel comfortable asking for help. Some solid ways to ask for help include:

• “Could I get your help on this? Here’s what I know. I still have questions about these areas.”
• “This is what I understand but I think I’m stumped in this one area. Could I talk through this with you?”

Do your due diligence to understand a problem before you meet so you’re respectful of their time. Also, quickly summarize the work or thinking you’ve done so they have a sense of progress and can see that you’re focused on understanding the problem.

Final thoughts

You won’t be negatively perceived when you come from a place of curiosity and focus on problem-solving. And when hardball questions inevitably come up, you’ll have positive working relationships that you can depend on to quickly to understand a problem and collaborate to solve it together.

When’s the last time you were asked a hardball question? How did you deal with it?