How I’ve Arrived at My Current Priorities
In addition to seeking balance in the 4 Main Life Categories, my 2017 optimization project depends on solidifying my personal list of priorities so that decision making becomes faster, more efficient, and more effective across the board.
Here’s a quote that impacted me greatly on this subject:
“Nearly every stressful situation we find ourselves in can be traced back to our decisions failing to reflect our established priorities.”
Whether it’s because we know we’re doing the wrong thing or — more often — because we haven’t given enough conscious thought to what our true values and priorities are, that disconnect between what we do and what we’ve decided we ought to do is what leads to most of the stress we face every day.
I’m out to eliminate that source of stress in my life by placing more conscious emphasis on my priorities and applying them to daily decision-making and my pursuit of balance and personal development.
My current priorities
While I believe everything is subject to change to some extent in this crazy world, I don’t foresee this list of priorities changing any time soon. I’ve come to this list throughout nearly 40 years of continual trial and error, decades of religious instruction, and over 7 years now as a spiritual shepherd and teacher, and it’s never done me wrong. (I don’t always get it right, mind you, but when I do, it always works.)
- God
- Family
- Other people
- Self
- Work
- Recreation (including all other pursuits)
Let me break this list down briefly, then offer up some real-world examples of how it can apply to daily decision-making.
God
As you’ve probably already noted, I’m a very religious person. I dedicated my life to Jehovah God on October 21, 1991, and I vowed to live every day in service to Him to the best of my ability.
Of course, I’m an imperfect idiot, and I’ve screwed up countless times since then, but I’m confident in saying I’ve never broken that vow or given Him reason to regret accepting it.
As part of living up to that dedication, I have to put my obedience to God ahead of everything else in this life. including family, friends, myself… everything. My family understands and appreciates this because they all feel the same way. Most of my friends do as well. Sometimes, it’s a tough sell for employers or casual acquaintances because this level of devotion is rare today. To some people, I look like a fool.
But it’s the decision I’ve made, and I’m proud to stick by it.
As the apostles said not long after Jesus’s death, when the Pharisees ordered them to stop preaching about him, “we must obey God as ruler rather than men.”
Family
Short of my dedication to God, my loyalty to my family is the most important thing in my life. Of course, I love my wife and kids, but it goes beyond that too. It’s my obligation as husband and father to do everything in my power to provide for them materially, emotionally, and spiritually, and to do whatever I can to give them the best life possible.
I base its placement at #2 on the scripture at 1 Timothy 3:4,5 which describes a man who fails to care for his household as “worse than a person without faith.” So, although I’m important, and the scriptures teach me to treat others the way I want to be treated, my top Earthly responsibility lies with my family.
This priority has kept me working at a job I hate for years because nothing better became available. It’s placed me in one uncomfortable situation after another because I hate confrontation but sometimes that’s what a Dad has to do to advocate for his kids. And, being honest, it’s led to the occasional heartache that I never expected to experience because no one can hurt you like the ones you love the most.
But through all of that, I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made for the sake of my family, and I’d do it all again if that was necessary.
Other people
This one can be tough, but it’s also based on scripture. At Philippians 2:3,4 we’re told to “consider others superior to you,” and to “look, not only for your own interests but also for the interests of others.”
While a lot of other people honestly don’t deserve to be viewed as superior, that’s not my judgment to make. Unless they’re actively seeking to harm my family in some way or working against God’s will as I understand it, I’m obligated to give them the benefit of the doubt, show humility, and keep the peace.
This comes fairly easily to me most of the time, but certainly not always. There are times when I need to bite my lip and stew in silence for a while before reacting. And there have been plenty of times when I wish that’s what I’d done instead of opening my fat mouth and causing a scene when someone pisses me off. But, all-in-all, I try to apply Philippians 2:3,4 to all my interactions with others.
Self
It puzzles a lot of people to see “self” so far down this short list. But, if you understand my reasoning regarding the three priorities that precede it, it makes perfect sense:
I’m not an ascetic. I don’t find any joy in suffering or self-denial, and I love a good beer and making money so I can have nice things.
But my own physical comfort, mental or emotional well-being, and convenience are all lower on the priority list than other people, especially my family, and my service to God. So, whenever I need to decide between doing what’s most comfortable, easiest, most convenient, or most profitable for myself and what’s best for someone else, I’m always going to strive to accommodate the other person.
That being said, I love a good win-win situation, don’t you? I’m always on the lookout for personal benefits that don’t hurt anyone else.
Work
Although they loathe to admit it, most people these days place Work at the top of their priority list. It beats out time with family and friends, any sort of spiritual life, and even their own health and well-being as they work themselves into an early grave. They may fool themselves by claiming they’re doing it for their family, or even that “God wants me to be rich,” but the truth is, they’re workaholics who have nothing else to live for.
While I’ve never struggled with wanting to work for work’s sake, I know I could fall into this trap if I’m not careful because I’m an entrepreneur at heart, and I love what I do for a living. Between working extra hours at my full-time job and pursuing other activities on the side, I could easily work over a hundred hours a week from home and not even notice it happening.
But I don’t.
And the reason I don’t is because I’ve decided to consciously put Work in its appropriate place: as a tool to support me and my family and the other, more important goals we’ve set for ourselves.
Recreation (including all other pursuits)
Like almost everyone else, I enjoy relaxing and having fun. In fact, given the opportunity to do so with a clean conscience (i.e. it didn’t interfere with any higher priorities,) I’d chill out and goof off every waking minute. And recreation is important, too. There’s no way I’d be productive at work, of any value to my family, or capable of spiritual activity, if I never took the time to decompress and relax my body and mind.
But, you’ll notice recreation (and everything else) appears at the very bottom of my list of priorities. And that’s because it needs to be kept in its proper place.
I once heard relaxation described as “the seasoning to life’s main course.” In other words, a little bit of relaxation and fun — just the right amount — sprinkled in along with the more important aspects of life makes for a tasty and nutritious meal. But if you were to use 2 cups of salt instead of 2 teaspoons in that recipe, how much are you likely to eat?
So, I make a point every day of allowing for some time to either actively do something fun or just sit back and relax. On the weekends, I do it even more than I do during the week. But I make every effort to keep it from crowding out anything else that appears higher on my priority list.
How I apply my priorities to daily decision-making
Here are just a few examples to help explain how this established list of priorities can be used to make day-to-day decisions. Again, I want to confirm: this isn’t me saying, “look at me, I’m making great decisions over here.” I screw this up time and again, a habit I hope to improve over the course of 2017. But this is how my priorities can and should be used for good:
I want pizza for dinner
I have a craving for pizza tonight. 99.9% of the time, that’s a non-issue. Everyone in the family likes pizza, it’s relatively cheap, it’s quick to pick up or even easier if we spring for delivery. But, when I call to place the order I find out our favorite pizza joint is out of their dairy-free crust. Since my son is dairy-allergic, he won’t be able to enjoy the pizza if we order it like usual.
- My Family is at #2
- Self is at #4
Even though I’m jonesing for pizza, I’m not getting it tonight. My family’s happiness is more important.
Someone flips me off at a red light
I’m moseying along the road, slowing down for a red light, when this shmoe in a Ford Focus pulls up next to me and flips me the bird along with some pretty zesty commentary before peeling off the moment the light turns green. I have no idea what I did to the guy if anything at all. And, naturally, I can feel the blood rising in my neck as surprise and confusion turn to anger. But…
- Other People is #3
- Self is #4
Maybe he’s having a bad day, maybe his wife is in the hospital right now, or maybe I cut him off or did something else stupid I’m not even aware of. Regardless, I’m not going to speed off to get my revenge. I’m going to let it go.
Someone threatens my wife
Let’s assume the same exact scenario, but with my wife driving and me in the passenger seat. And let’s say the other driver doesn’t just flip her off, but he jumps out of his door and runs over to hers and starts slamming on the window and trying to open the door. Yeah, this guy’s made a mistake.
- Other People is #3
- My Family is #2
I’m getting out of the car with every intention of defusing the situation. But what happens after that is up to him. Don’t threaten my family.
My boss threatens to fire me if I don’t work overtime instead of going to my weekly religious meeting
You can take this job and shove it, sir.
- Work is #4
- God is #1
There’s no competition.
“But wait,” you say, “doesn’t that mean you may not be able to feed your family, or you could lose your house?” Perhaps. But,
- My Family is #2
- God is #1
The decision is still clear, and I’m confident my family would support it, and that Jehovah would bless my search for a new job if it came to that. He’s done it before, no reason He can’t do it again.
What do you think of my list of priorities? What sort of values have you established to guide decision-making in your own life? Let me know in the comments below.
