Meetings
And here I am again waiting for about 30 minutes. Wait. 31 minutes now and the only thing I can think about is why the fuck do people schedule meetings if they never show up on time? It’s always the same shit. I wonder why these rooms are called meeting rooms if we spend more time here waiting than in actual meetings. At least if they were waiting rooms, we would have Lionel Richie playing in the background. But no. They are just meeting rooms and the only thing I can hear is that guy whistling. The only guy here with me waiting in this huge room. Look at him, poor bald man. So sad. Hey Baldy, don’t be sad. You made it, man! You’re on time. You’re my hero! Oh, wait, now someone is standing at the door. It’s a woman. A blonde one. Nice hair! Stop talking about her hair. Anything you say can be used against you. Damn you, sexual harassment. Ok, I hear something. Finally they are walking in. The first guy apologizes for the delay, but the rest don’t really care. They’re too busy looking at their cellphones. I’m pretty sure most of them are just reading the comments on their boring food photos on Instagram. Let’s do this. Come on, people. We can do this. “Weeeee are the champions, my friiiennd!!!” Stop. Focus. Who is starting this meeting? Is it you, Baldy? Blonde girl? Finally someone stands up. He plugs his computer in and cracks a joke about the size of the plug. Stupid joke, but it’s better than listening to Baldy whistling. He’s talking. Let’s give him a chance….. OH MY GOD! It’s the worst presentation ever! I can’t believe it. Please. Kill me. I can’t take it no more. I had a great life. Look, everyone is falling asleep. Everyone! HEY BALDY!!! Wake up, dude! You’re my hero, remember? You won the first battle, you were the first to get here. Don’t lose the war. Come on! COMEE OOOON! Yeah, he’s awake. He’s looking at me. Hey Baldy, why are you looking at me like that? What are you thinking? Don’t Baldy. Don’t touch me. Take your hands away from me. No, Baldy. I’m warning you. Don’t do this. I need this coffee more than you do, man. Yes, I do. STOP! Don’t drink it. It’s not even good coffee. It’s old coffee. You’ll hate it. But I need it. Without this coffee, I’m just a MUG. And I’m not a MUG. I’M a COFFEE MUG! A COFFEE MUG. Don’t drink it. Pleeeeease, don’t. Doooooooooooooon’t.
