Bargaining for Love — The Sky-High “Bride Price” in China
With the hefty “bride price” reaching new highs in recent years, it is increasingly recognised as a serious, national-wide social concern in China.
On 13 February 2022, a video of an internet celebrity’s 500,000 yuan (US$78,600) bride price dispute went viral on many Chinese social media channels. The video was uploaded on Bilibili, with the title “Without 500,000 yuan bride price, my girlfriend was dragged away by her family. What should I do?”. The woman was taken from her home and shoved into a car in the footage. Afterwards, she was beaten by her family members. The man who chased after them was also assaulted.
The hefty bride prices in China has resulted in numerous disputes. In March 2018, a 20-year-old man who was working in Anhui committed suicide in a hotel because he couldn’t afford the 300,000 yuan (US$47,500) bride price his girlfriend asked for. In February 2017, an old man in Henan used his life savings to buy a wedding house for his son in the city and to provide a wedding gift of 110,000 yuan (US$17,400), putting him in debt. The young couple had a furious argument over the bride price on the wedding night, and the husband smashed the bride to death out of rage.
The tragedies caused by the wedding bride price are heart-breaking. Even if the wedding gift or bride price is settled and the couples are finally married, the financial and psychological consequences of the sky-high bride price will inevitably dilute the joy of entering a new phase of life.
The “Bride Price” Tradition
The “bride price” is the amount of money, property, or other forms of wealth the groom’s family pays to their future in-laws at the start of their marriage. In China, it is very common to buy gold accessories as a wedding gift for marriage. As a wedding tradition, the ‘bride price’ represents the groom’s sincerity to the marriage, and it also expresses to the bride’s family that he is willing and able to take care of the bride in future. However, when people associate the amount of bride price with the extent of the groom’s commitment to the marriage, the tradition that used to represent good fortune becomes distorted. Due to vanity, many begin to compare their bride price with others, claiming that individuals who cannot afford the bride price do not deserve to get married. Some regions even attracted the entire country’s attention because of the sky-high bride price. Originally an expression of sincerity and affection, bride prices have turned into an opportunistic way to make money.
In the countryside, marriage arrangement is often transactional. The two families will discuss and decide on the marriage ceremony, whether or not the bride price should be provided, and how much the bride price should be. The bride and groom have far less say in the matter. Even if the bride does not think that the bride price is necessary, they are forced by their family to accept the payment due to the dignity and cultural expectations associated with this tradition. In some areas, women who do not want bride price will be looked down upon by their in-laws, as the bride price reflects the importance the man places on the woman.
While the bride price tradition is not an unreasonable way to exhibit devotion to a marriage, many people are concerned about the exorbitant bride price being sought.
The Undesirable Consequences
In recent years, the rising bride price has not benefited women in marriages. Most brides do not receive bride prices, as the money is paid to their family. Yet, they are falsely blamed for greed while being exploited and commodified. Gao Lijuan, a sociology expert from the Jiangxi Party School of the CPC Central Committee, pointed out two reasons for the exorbitant bride price. First, families want material and psychological compensation from the time and money spent raising their daughter and marrying her off. Second, many view this marriage tradition as an opportunity to brag and gain “face”. The high bride price shows that the groom is of high social status and the marriage is being valued. The bride’s happiness after the marriage is often overlooked, if not completely dismissed.
In the rural parts of China, bride prices can even be a form of hindrance to women receiving higher education. Villagers in rural China hold the belief that “the younger the woman, the more valuable she is.” This caused a dilemma whereby girls who receive high education have no advantage in bargaining for a higher bride price due to their age. As a result, some families choose to marry off their daughter at a young age in exchange for more money. Some even discourage girls from pursuing higher education.
As an indirect consequence, the man’s family that bears the exorbitant bride price often demands the wife to “fulfil her responsibilities” — such as doing household chores, taking care of the family, and conceiving. They believe that the woman is only worthy of the bride price if she shoulders the responsibility of inheritance and caring for the elderly. When married women have personal aspirations for work and life, they are often opposed by their in-laws.
The bride price also deprives women of their autonomy to divorce. If the couple’s relationship is not doing well after marriage, the wife does not dare to file for divorce due to the pressure of the hefty bride price which have to be returned. Moreover, forcibly filing for divorce will make the wife face huge public criticism and be stigmatized as “cheating the husband’s money”. As a result, women are forced to endure the pressure from both their in-laws and natal families. It is usually difficult for them to get out of an undesirable marriage.
A Vicious Cycle
Xiao Li, a 28-year-old woman, escaped from her hometown as she was afraid of being “sold” by her family. “As soon as I got home, my dad arranged a blind date. I only saw the man once, and now my family is going to talk to the man about the bride price and marry me off,” she said in tears. Her father told her that the bride price received from her marriage would be used to pay for the bride price of her brother’s marriage. Unable to decide on her marriage, college-educated Xiao Li found it difficult to accept.
Facing the increasingly high cost of marriage, “marrying off the daughter to pay for the son’s wedding” became a solution to ensure the smooth marriage of the family’s son. Many believe that this model is a driving factor in pushing up the bride price.
Government Interventions
Grassroots cadres suggested that in the process of rectifying the high bride prices, all localities should pay attention to the rights and interests of young women who are coerced by bride prices. In the past, government interference remains passive as the bride price tradition is often viewed as domestic issue. However, the government has made it a point to tap on various non-profit institutions, including the Women’s Federation, to promptly stop family disputes that hinder young women’s freedom and protect the rights and interests of women of marriageable age.
Yishui County led the reform of marriage customs as the local government communicated clear requirements on wedding standards. It is advisable not to or to ask for less of the bride price. The bride price should be controlled within 10,000 yuan (US$1,600), the number of wedding cars should not exceed six, and the wedding banquet should not exceed ten tables. The Yishui County government staff explained that the purpose of reforming marriage customs is to reduce the burden on the masses and to prevent the materialization of marriage. The Yishui County government initiative serves as a good starting point. In the process of implementation, the local government should also educate the public on the risks and hidden dangers behind high bride prices.
While it is unrealistic to solve the problem of bride price in a short period of time, efforts to improve current policies, economy and other aspects will pay off in the long run. When families no longer view marriage as a form of economic transaction, women can then be truly empowered to pursue their life aspirations.
