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The Four Stages of Getting to Know a Person
There’s a set process for moving from strangers to really understanding someone
Both as a student of psychology and just as a person who seeks to form new bonds and better understand those already in my social circle, I tend to put a lot of effort towards getting to know the people I meet.
I began to notice certain markers in the way this process plays out, and after reviewing them, I found that there are four distinct stages that occur while we move from a person being a stranger to really understanding them as an individual.
I’ve labeled them as follows: 1) mold fitting, 2) data collection, 3) understanding motivations, and 4) making predictions.
1. Mold Fitting
When you first meet a stranger, you know nothing about them. However, there are certain demographic particulars that might lead you to make assumptions about them. Things like religion, political affiliation, hobbies, occupation, age, gender, place of origin, etc., may all inform these assumptions.
As we first start getting to know them, we might pick up on some of these as signals by which we can try to extrapolate other particulars about their personality. For example, people tend to see me, a fairly muscular and…
