The Sonic Storytale of Song ‘ The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’

Divine Affliction: Perception Through A Feminine Lens Part 7

Divine Affliction: Perception Through a Feminine Lens Blog Series presents an expansive view behind the music production of album Divine Affliction. An expression of the feminine aesthetics in music. A sonic portrayal of the duality of divinity and affliction, a journey through the female experience. The album is a shorter album consisting of seven songs and would be defined as experimental electronica with raw, introspective, brooding, emotive music. This album presents an aural representation of the female processes and application to music production. The musical compositions are inspired by my own experience of the intersectionality of gender and music production along with the preliminary research uncovered in the 1st four theoretical blogs of this series. This blog dissects my creative process, with visceral accounts on the sonic storytelling of song — ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood, narrating my music-making process. By highlighting how I implement the song concepts into the musical composition, audio processing, and lyrics, you observe the creative experience through the lens of a female producer.

‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ Sonic Storytale

(Figure 1. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Song Official Promotional Image. Still image taken from film ‘Divine Affliction’, directed by Wayne McPhee and filmed by Chasen Green, edited by House of Pheonix Eleven. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

The Song Concept

The song, ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ is inspired by the affliction with my otherness in music production, the alter gender. It’s hard to not feel lonely when the majority of producers are male. My female otherness is even more prevalent, due to motherhood. I feel held back in my professional practice due to being female along with the sacrifice of full-time motherhood. I can get engrossed, seemingly preoccupied in the studio and at times feel torn between motherhood and production.

Motherhood is my biggest life achievement. The connection between myself and my daughter is a beautiful and strong bond, an eternal love. Being a mother is a special journey, a feminine rite of passage. I have always tried to keep my creativity as my personal practice, separate from my motherhood. Though this album is about the divinity of the feminine and the afflictions she faces. The mother is an element of the divinity of the feminine so I have decided to embrace my motherhood and express it in my music practice.

The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood translates to the phenomenological writings of motherhood. This term is used to describe the feminine aesthetic that many female composers have in their creative work with the subjectivity of motherhood, it is ubiquitous in many female compositions (Macarthur, 2002, p. 91).

A child’s first experience of the phenomenological ecriture is at birth when mother and child meet for the first time. “The infant’s experience of phenomenological ecriture is the first meeting between flesh and cognition. Such an experience of the Eleusinian emotions reactivated in later life in an archetypal renewal of the self offers women that maternal genealogy between mothers and daughters” (Adams & Duncan, 2003, p. 255). This is what I had in my mind while composing the song. The emotional experience and memory of the first time my daughter and I cast eyes on each other, along with memories of my mothers face.

“The phenomenological ecriture has an archetypal base in the recognition of the mother’s face as an experience and site of feminine consciousness. In the extended phenomenological environment of individuation, our transcendent experience of her as both ourself and as other; not only here, fluid and lucid, but there, as sovereign and distinct; imperishable and archetypal, offers a renewal for women of a self” (Adams & Duncan, 2003, p. 255).

This song is a lullaby to my daughter, expressing my deepest thoughts, feelings, and love for her. It speaks about the maternal connection between motherhood and our maternal ancestors who are always with us. The composition resembles my journey of motherhood from birth to teenagehood and the many trips and tumbles we have along the way. Embracing the afflictions that mothers endure along with the divinity of motherhood.

The Musical Composition and Audio Production

The song, ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ is a slower ambient song resembling a lullaby, an electronic bass ballad. It has a 4/4 tempo at 64BPM and is written in the key of A minor natural. I chose a minor key as theories on aesthetics in music correspond minor to be a feminine key. Stoltzfus explains that “musical expression can provide orientation for the entirety of the inner life” including the characteristics of gender, heard in the metaphors of the masculine and feminine in the major and minor keys (Stoltzfus, P, 2006, p. 81). These metaphors come from different theories on sonata form with the first theme denoting the masculine, written in a major key. The second theme portraying a feminine character is written in a minor key. Macarthur describes Marx’s stereotypical concepts depict masculine themes as constructed decisively and completely with energy and vigor in contrast to tender feminine themes, dependent and determined by the preceding masculine theme (Macarthur, 2002, p. 90). Most take for granted these aspects of musical practice as simple elements that structure his or her musical and social world, though McLary states:

“They are perhaps the most powerful aspects of musical discourses, for they operate below the level of deliberate signification and are thus usually reproduced and transmitted without conscious intervention, for it is through these deeply engrained habits that gender and sexuality are most effectively and most problematically organised in music” (McLary, 2002, p. 16–17).

Hobbs takes the gendering of music further in his blog, Musical key characteristics & emotions. He describes the key of A minor to be “Womanly, graceful in character. Capable of soothing,” and “Tender, plaintive, pious”(Hobbs, J, 2018). Therefore I thought that this key would be perfect for the key of this song, soothing like a mother.

The Arrangement

The arrangement builds as it progresses portraying the growth of my daughter, from birth to baby, then to child, then to teenager. With more elements and instruments added as the song progresses. I use the compositional modality of the staggered intro, though this modality is continued throughout the entire song to portray the growth. The birth is expressed in the intro and the baby is the first drop/verse, with simple lulling melodies and harmonies. The arrangement then goes into a breakdown, like a reprieve from the constant demands of being a mother. Those times when all is still and life is at peace. Then the second drop/verse slowly comes as the baby grows into a child, with more harmonies and more bass instruments. Leading again into another brief reprieve of a breakdown, but short as the growth from child to teenager comes more suddenly. The third drop/verse starts with a drum roll and is strong and dynamic with intense melodies and bass instruments, denoting the intensity of having a teenager. The outro melodically breaks down to a simple melodic arrangement again signifying the emotional bond I have with my daughter. As the outro fades it expresses looking to our future with utter pleasure. Here is the full instrumental version of the song so you can hear the full arrangement.

(Orthentix. 2019. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Instrumental [Audio Link]. Retrieved from https://soundcloud.com/orthentix/the-phenomenological-ecriture).

Here is an image of the arrangement from the Logic Pro X project ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’. Notice the build of the song as it progresses with the additions of the green, purple and pink instruments.

(Figure 2. Arrangement of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

The musical compositions and production of the album Divine Affliction were undertaken in my home studio with; Logic Pro X Digital Audio Workstation; UAD Apollo Duo Audio Interface; Native Instruments Komplete Package and Serum digital musical instruments and synths; along with my host of third-party plug-ins including suites from Universal Audio, Fab Filter and Valhalla. I compose the lyrics and sing the vocals, though collaborate with my creative community to record other vocalists, this is known as a session vocalist.

I used the method of completing the sound design on instruments as I’m composing the song, which is like semi-mixing and helps in the final stage of the mixdown. This blog is written to follow this process that I use in my creative practice. I focused heavily on composition with this song as the melodies and harmonies are the main energy of the song. I started this composition with the drums and led into the bass lines and melodies. I used the tempo in Logic set at 128BPM but wrote the song at half time. I find that doing this has a better grid to work to. So when I speak about 8 bars this may look like 16 bars in the images. Following is the deconstruction of my process.

Drums

The drums have a slow yet constant and simple forward-moving rhythm, similar to a lullaby. This is to create familiarity with the beat, to lull a baby to sleep. This constant forward-moving rhythm also symbolizes the constant journey of motherhood. The kick and main snare as the focus to the beat, situated stronger in the mix, constant and forward moving. The backing drums act as a response to the beat of the kick and snare. These backing drums are processed with different delays and reverb to set them back in the mix and portray this response. The reverbs and delays on these backing drums also add to the rhythm of the song. The kick and main snares are processed with more compression than the backing drums, and only slight reverb to set them in place in the mix. All of the drums are kept with center panning. There is a variation to the drumbeat every 8 bars denoting the little trips and tumbles that come along the journey. There are many different hi-hats and cymbals used in the drumbeat setting the groove of the song all panned either slightly left and right. In the second drop, arpeggiated hi-hats are introduced. These resemble the quick growth that happens from child to teenagehood. These are in stereo and panned full left and right. With a stereo reverb added to give them air and space. The drums are sent to a stereo bus as a group and this is processed with compression, equilisation, and saturation and mixed in with the dry drums. This technique is called parallel compression, used by many producers to give the drums a live feel. The appegiated hi-hats are not included in the drum group.

Sound FX

This song doesn’t have many sound FX due to the heavy melodic content and concept of the song. There is a sound FX of a backward cymbal with reverb every 4 bars to express the little anxious feelings that pop up now and then as a mother. There is also a bullwhip sound FX used with the drum roll to bring in the third drop/verse with intensity, like the intensity of my child reaching teenagehood signifying how quickly they grow up.

Here is a video of the drums and sound FX of the third drop/verse of the song with an image of this section of the drums.

(Orthentix. 2018. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood blog: Drums [Video Link]. Retrieved from https://vimeo.com/326281161/130b0d3ddb).

Bass

There are four different bass instruments used in this composition. The intro, outro, and breakdowns have a Sub-bass instrument from synth Serum. Serum is a wavetable synthesizer. This is processed with EQ and compression side-chained to the kick for an extra pump and with a warm tube saturation. This Sub-bass is represented in the following image, with a simple melody 8 bar melody of ACEGC — ADGAD.

(Figure 3. Sub-bass MIDI notation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

The drops/verses of the song have a Blown bass instrument playing a more complex melody over the 8 bars: AEGEGDA — AGDEGEA. This is a soft bass instrument that plays quite a melodic bassline that flows with the melodies and harmonies, creating that lulling vibe. This instrument was created in Absynth and processed with EQ and compression with no side-chain and with a warm tape saturation. Here is the MIDI notation in Logic Pro X of the blown bass.

(Figure 4. Blownbass MIDI notation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

The Dark Wobble bassline comes in mildly at the end of the second verse and then with more dynamics in the third verse. Made in Serum and plays the same notes as the softer blown bassline and is composed to show the intensity as my daughter grows from child to teenager. It didn’t fit to compose a different bassline here, keeping the same bassline to back the softer blown bassline up works for this simple structure though gives the intensity that I want to express in the tonality of the instrument. This is processed with EQ and compression side-chained to the drum group for real pump and with gentle saturation and reverb. This Dark Wobble bass is inspired by the musical genre of dubstep. Here is the MIDI notation in Logic Pro X of the Dark Wobble bass.

(Figure 5. Dark wobble bass MIDI notation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

The use of LFO on the Dark Wobble bass is what gives it that wobble, timed to the BPM of the song on 1/8 notes to create a rhythm that works with the song. A slower setting of 1/4 notes would also of works, though this wobble bass denotes the intensity of the passage through teenagehood. The LFO settings that I used on Serum for this bass are in the following image.

(Figure 6. LFO on wobble bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Serum synth. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

At the end of the third drop/verse, there is another bass instrument added to really up the intensity. This instrument is a really grimy hard bass that builds on each note. This type of bass is used in drum and bass genre production along with trap and future bass genres. It is also made with Serum synth by combining an offset square wave on one oscillator with an offset triangle wave on a different oscillator and slightly detuning them. A comb filter is added as well as the LFO which is set to 1/4 beats at the BPM of the song. This bass creates a sweeping sound to the intensity of the wobble to give a feeling of being swooshed around due to how quickly teenagehood happens and the emotional rollercoaster it can be.

(Figure 7. Dark weight DnB bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Serum synth. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

This bass plays the melody AGGA — ADGA, playing 1 bar for every note. This is a simple melody as it is layered with the softer blown bassline and wobble bass. This is also processed with EQ and compression side-chained to the drum group for real pump and with gentle saturation and reverb. Following is the MIDI notation of this instrument.

(Figure 8. Dark weight DnB bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Here is a video of the basslines of the second drop/verse, breakdown with no bass, third drop/verse and outro of the song so you can hear all the different bass instruments and the intensity of the third drop in comparison with the reprise of the outro. There is also an image of this section of the basses MIDI notation to gain a visual reference of this.

(Orthentix. 2018. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood blog: Basses [Video Link]. Retrieved from https://vimeo.com/326310327/27cc2ecebc).

Melodies

The melodies denote the beautiful sweet emotions I feel when I look at my daughter with memories of the first time we gaze at each other. The melody is made of two instruments layered to create a sweet beautiful tone. The Logic native EX24 sampler is used with a Classical Piano setting and a Serum synth is the other melody instrument. I used the preset of SY Big Sleepy which has a square wave on oscillator A and a sine wave on oscillator B. I then changed the filter, envelope and velocity of the synth to suit the taste I wanted for the song. Following is an image of the oscillators/OSC, filter, envelope, LFO and velocity settings used for the sound design of this instrument.

(Figure 9. SY Big Sleepy melody of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Serum synth. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

The melody follows the bassline playing A GEGDCA — AGCDEGEA across 8 bars. This is layered on different octaves on the two melodic instruments. These are then processed with EQ, reverb and the SY Big & Sleepy synth with compression. The melodies are the hook of this song. Following is an image of the MIDI notation of the two melodic instruments layered over the different octaves.

(Figure 10. Melodic instruments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

In the third drop/verse the melody is layered over two more instruments of a Marimba made with Logic native synth Sculpture and Piano made with the EX24 sampler. These new instruments had appegiation to echo the melody back and increase in the intensity of this third drop/verse portraying the teenage passage.

(Figure 11. Melodic instruments and appegiated accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Harmonies

The harmonies to the song are what carries it through and give the song variation. There are several harmony layers including the pads, chords, strings, and motives. These support the melody and enhance the emotional expression of the song

Chords

The chords are made from layering the same melody over 3 instruments. The 3 instruments used to create the chords were the Classic Piano on the EX24 Logic native sampler, an Organ from the Retro Logic native synth, and the Sensuality Synth from Serum. The piano was processed with EQ, compression, and reverb. The attack on the volume envelope of the EX24 sampler on the piano was set back to give a softer attack or hammer strike. The Sensuality Synth was processed with EQ, compression, and distortion, and the Organ was left dry. I processed these with parallel compression by sending these on a bus to a stereo aux track, where I compressed these together as a group, to glue them into one instrument. I then mixed this compress group with the dry single instruments to create the sonic quality and volume of the chords. This is once again parallel compression.

The chordal melody was made with triads. “Triads are made up of 3 notes played on top of each other. You will often hear people describe triads as chords. They consist of a bottom note (root), a middle note (3rd) and a top note (5th)” (Music Theory Acadamy, 2019).

Triads are made by layering 3 notes on top of each other from the diatonic scale also known as the standard major or minor scale. The C major triad uses the notes C–E–G. The interval from each note to the one above it is a third, the quality of those thirds varies depending on the quality of the triad. This is how major, minor, augmented and diminished chords are created. Following is more information on the quality of the intervals to create different triads/chords.

• major triads contain a major third with a minor third stacked above it, e.g., in the major triad C–E–G (C major), the interval C–E is major third and E–G is a minor third.
• minor triads contain a minor third with a major third stacked above it, e.g., in the minor triad A–C–E (A minor), A–C is a minor third and C–E is a major third.
• diminished triads contain two minor thirds stacked, e.g., B–D–F (B diminished)
• augmented triads contain two major thirds stacked, e.g., D–F♯–A♯ (D augmented) (Wikipedia, N.d).

My process of building triads is; major triads have 4 semitones and 3 semitones between the notes, and minor triads have 3 semitones then four semitones between the notes. Semitones are the space between the notes on a piano or keyboard, much like intervals.

The chords in the song ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ are made from major and minor chords, with an m representing the minor chords. These play the melody Am G Em G Dm Am — Am Dm Em G Em Am over 8 bars, following the drum rhythm and the main bass melody. They act as a call and response with the main melody at times and also play with the main melody as support. The call and response element between the chords and the melodies is like a mother and child calling each other. The chords come in at the first drop/ verse and second drop/verse. They are not in the third verse as the melodies in this verse are the focus with the arpeggiated melodies layered. Leaving them out of this final verse adds variation to the song composition. Following is an image of the MIDI notation of the chordal instruments in Logic Pro X.

(Figure 12. Harmony instruments of chord accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Strings

The Strings were made with the EX24 sampler and processed with EQ and reverb. The act as a support for the melody like a mother supports her child, always there right behind her in case she falls. These follow the melody but play different notes from the Am scale, in harmony with the melody, playing CDGDFC — CFGDAE every 8 bars. The strings come in in the second drop/verse and the thirds drop/verse to aid in building the song up towards the end. Following is an image of the Strings MIDI notation.

(Figure 13. Harmony instruments of string accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Motif

The motif is made from a Marimba instrument on the Sculpture Logic native synth with arpeggiation and only play in the second drop/verse as these resemble the child phase. I wanted a new name when my daughter was young and got sick of hearing ‘mum’ constantly, this is what the motives represent. They are set back in the mix like an annoying little noise calling form the distance. They play ACAA — ACAA — ACAA — ACAA across 8 bars. Following is the image of the MID notation of the motif.

(Figure 14. Harmony instruments of marimba motives of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Pads

There are two instruments that make up the pad harmonies and these play during the whole song. These really carry the song and glue it together. The first pad instrument is made from the Absynth native instruments synth called Above Pads. This is processed with EQ and reverb. This plays the melody of CEAC — CAEA and has an ethereal quality that is like angels calling. This represents my late mother and the memories of her looking over me and my daughter. This is as a reminder to my daughter of our maternal genealogy.

(Figure 15. Harmony instruments of pads of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

The second pad instrument is made on the serum synthesizer called PD Emotional More. This sound is like a sound FX that plays at the end of every 4 bars, repeating the notes GC then GA over 2 bars. This was processed with EQ and compression. It represents the afflictions that I have with being a single mother and trying to juggle my creative profession and motherhood. It also represents the afflictions I have as a mother with finances and life upheavals.

(Figure 16. Harmony instruments of pads accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Here is a video of the melodies and harmonies of the second and third drop/verse of the song. To show the different melodies build and the duality of the child compared to the teenager melodies. There is again an image of this section of the melodies and harmony instruments for a visual reference.

(Orthentix. 2018. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood blog: Melodies and harmonies [Video Link]. Retrieved from https://vimeo.com/327187527/1f61b23b6f).

Vocals

With the vocals, I used the close mic technique for an intimate quality to the vocals. I went for this type of sound for the vocals as this is an intimate song, a lullaby to my daughter. I wanted to capture the breaths and softness in the recording, making it sound whispery and gentle. I was the main vocalist on this song while Josie Doolan sang the backing vocals. I used a pop filter to capture the plosives like P’s and B’s and reflection filter to encapsulate the sound acting as a vocal booth. I record through the UAD Apollo Duo Audio Interface using an AKG P420 condenser microphone. Audio production expert Bill Gibson explains with the close micing technique “the singing a quiet, intimate lyric distance is usually 1 inch or less/1 finger or less” from the microphone (Rochman, D, 2012). I use a cardioid pick up pattern on the microphone as this is suited for the close micing technique, as it compensates for the proximity effect and reduces room ambiance. Bill Gibson explains this further below.

“Cardioid Mics directional characteristic prefer the front of the microphone (on-axis) and they reject sounds coming from behind the mic (off-axis). Microphones with cardioid polar patterns are typically better suited to close- than distant-miking applications. These mics exhibit frequency response characteristics that roll off in the low band to compensate for their susceptibility to the proximity effect — the boomy, bass-heavy sound we hear when a voice or instrument is extremely close to the mic (within less than a couple of inches or so). Because they prefer the on-axis sounds, they help reduce the relative levels of room ambiance and other sounds that are off-axis” (Rochman, D, 2012).

For more information on vocal microphone techniques, check out the Sure blog and Bruce Swediens article below.

Vocal Miking Tips | Shure Blog

Bruce Swedien On Vocal Recording Microphone Techniques — ProSoundWeb

I processed the vocals with EQ and compression, and sent them to a reverb chain, with a shorter reverb sent into a medium plate reverb. I made the vocals reverb quite wet in this song as I wanted that airy whispering quality. I used a delay and echo processing on the backing vocals to add a dreamy quality and variation to the vocals. The main vocals were panned to the center while the backing vocals were panned left and right. The vocals had automation on the volume to control certain sections and delay sends at the end of certain words, phrases, and parts to enhance the dreamy feel.

Mixdown

The final mixdown is the stereo mix that you listen to out of your speakers, this is mixed to level with peaks no higher than -3Db, ready to be sent off for mastering. It is essential to ensure that you are 100% happy with this mix as it is the final version. Listening to the whole mix with nothing on solo, I adjust the volume, panning, then dynamic processing, time-based processing, until I am satisfied with how it sounds. I also mute some elements in the intro’s or where they are brought in to adjust the arrangement to flow and suite the taste I am wanting. As I use the process of working on the sound design and semi mixing as I proceed the mixdown is usually quite easy.

Automation

The use of automation is what really helped with the mix. Automation is making things happen automatically like changing the volume on things or building reverbs and echos. I use volume automation on elements to bring them in gently to bring down the level on sections so other parts can be heard or brought to the front of the mix. I use automation on sends to echos and reverbs for the melodies at the end of drops/verses so they fade out nicely into the breakdowns or outro. Following is an image of the volume automation on the chords and sends automation on the melodies.

(Figure 17. Melody and harmony automation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Controlling the bass

The biggest issue I had in the mixdown was controlling the basses. I had to re-bounce the song many times and check the basses on all references. The main melodic bass had a booming quality and was distorted. Here is the initial dynamic processing with EQ and compression. I used the logic native EQ and compressor, with a bandpass filter on the EQ and light bass compression. I decided to add a second EQ and compressor in the mixdown to control the booming quality of the bass.

(Figure 18. Dynamic processing of blown bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

Following is an image of the second dynamic processing added to control the bass. I used the fab filter EQ as it is more clinical and defined to take out more of those booming frequencies and a second light bass compression to control the dynamics better. This worked well, with some instruments you need to layer the dynamic processing so that the plugins can work more effectively with the necessary control.

(Figure 19. Added dynamic processing of blown bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

I then bounce a stereo interleaved file at 44.1K and 24bits and test this on different references or different; speakers, headphones, car audio, and make any final adjustments until the mix sounds good and even across all references.

The Lyrics

The lyrics to ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ are written like a mother reading a bedtime story to her child, whispering my love and aspirations to my daughter, lulling her off to sleep.

The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Lyrics

When I look down at your face, My heart is filled with elated grace
An eternal connection, Never to be replaced
When I look down at your face, And hold you in deep embrace
A feminine rite of passage our souls make
Forever guided by this space, A love that can’t be displaced
Totally wrapped and encased, In a mother daughter embrace
A deep and tender space, A feminine bond is our base…
I’m binded to you by blood, Maternal lineage in our veins
And in that blood runs deep, Gender bound in chains
I walk this path of subversion, Show you the strength that we bare
Show you the power of that blood, Our gender is fierce yet fair
Suppressed for our sexuality, Feared for sake of sin
The female sexuality will help you rise, Feel its power deep within
Never let anyone tell you different, Or censor your feminine force
The female is the sustainer of life, We are the very source…
When I look down at your face, I see me in you, I never have thought of disgrace, And I see you in me
An eternal connection, Never ever can be replaced
When I look down at your face, I see me in you, My heart is filled with grace, And I see you in me
A feminine rite of passage is our fate
When I look down at your face, I see me in you, And hold you in deep embrace, And I see you in me
Forever guided by this space, A love that can’t be displaced
Totally wrapped and encased, In a mother daughter embrace
A deep and tender space, I see me in you, A feminine bond is our base, And I see you in me
Totally wrapped and encased, In a mother daughter embrace
A deep and tender space, A feminine bond is our base
A deep and tender space, A feminine bond is our base…
I’m binded to you by blood, Maternal lineage in our veins
And in that blood runs deep, Gender bound in chains
I walk this path of subversion, Show you the strength that we bare
Show you the power of that blood, Our gender is fierce yet fair
Suppressed for our sexuality, Feared for sake of sin
The feminine sexuality will help you rise, Feel its power deep within
Feminine sexuality will help you rise, Feel its power deep within
The feminine (Orthentix, 2018).

Here is ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ with the lyrics and vocals to gain an understanding of the above discussion and all the elements of the song.

(Orthentix. 2019. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood [Audio Link]. Retrieved from https://soundcloud.com/orthentix/the-phenomenological-ecritu).

(Figure 20. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Song Promotional Image. Photography by House of Phoenix Eleven. Copyright Orthentix 2018).

A Female Music Producer in Her Realm: Reflection on My Creative Practice of Music Production

The following reflection is on the feminine aesthetics of my creative practice, music production. This leads to an understanding of how my gender affects my practice. The biggest affliction I have with the intersection of gender and music production and the otherness in music production is the financial barriers I have due to motherhood. I feel held back in my professional practice due to being female along with the sacrifice of single motherhood. There is studio gear I would love to purchase but need to focus on household expenses, and gigs I can’t do as the time or location doesn’t coincide with parenting. There have been many financial barriers to access production for females. In recent times music production has become democratized with the widespread availability of home computers and music production software. Prior to this analog production equipment was expensive, such as synthesizers, drum machines, and samplers, so building a home studio could be extremely costly, leaving most popular music produced in studio environments. Today it is common practice for women and men to use both analog and digital gear, though investing in the production gear can still be costly in the digital age ranging from $1000 to $12,000 to set up a home bedroom studio (Farrugia, 2012, p. 127). This is quite a lot of money to spend if you’re a mother. Those who are interested in producing are faced with the expense of production tools and the need to devote time to acquiring production skills while also juggling family and work responsibilities (Farrugia, 2012, p. 138). Due to the social and financial implications of motherhood and being a single parent, I need to work to make the money I need to provide for both me and my daughter and to also invest in my creative practice, leaving not much time for creative practice. I can’t get out to many gigs making it hard for me to network and make social capital. The scary fact is “the first people to stop working in such jobs come from socio-economic disadvantage, often including women and people of color” (Farrugia, 2012, p. 127). These afflictions are portrayed in the above image of me, in deep contemplation of the intersection of music production and motherhood.

Compositions on the subject of motherhood have a feminine aesthetic. Macarthur explains these personal pieces, possesses a highly emotional inclination, and demonstrates the characteristics of typically female works. Programmatic and often based on traditional folksongs, they routinely use song forms or other simple molds within their single-movement structure. Like the stereotypical definition of feminine work, these pieces begin and end delicately and softly (Macarthur, 2002, p. 91). This song followed a simple format, beginning and ending delicately and softly, showing evidence of a feminine aesthetic. The ending of the different parts of the song flows slightly past the bar line into the next bar, using a feminine ending to these sections. McLary references Apel’s definition of feminine endings in music in terms of excess “that refuses the hegemonic control of the bar line” (McLary, 1991, p. 11). Andrea Duncan notes “feminine aesthetics in the subjectivity of mother and daughter with comparisons to Jung ‘s Psychological and Barthes Philosophical opinions of the masculine sensibility in relation to the anima” (Adams & Duncan, 2003, p. 255). Though Duncan references this in comparison with the “female’s relation to the mother as a sensibility of renewal of self and individuation” (Adams & Duncan, 2003, p. 255). I feel like I’ve expressed an authentic part of myself and shared my true femininity in this representation of motherhood in my music. Composing this song has aided in establishing my own feminine subjectivity by expressing this core element of my female self in my music, leading to an understanding of self. Duncan discusses individuation as a theme in the creative production of women writers and artist's works, she argues that an authentic experience of individuation with all its moral implications emerges (Adams & Duncan, 2003, p. 5). My moral implications can be heard in the affliction expressed in the pads and the trips and tumbles of the drum pattern. These are the few times I am either wishing I wasn’t a mum or feel like I’m hopeless as a mother. ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ is written as a lullaby to my daughter. I composed this song thinking about my daughter's face when we first gazed at each other along with my late mother's face watching over us, invoking emotion and aesthetic experience.

“By exploring what Duncan terms Phenomenological ecriture, the emotional and aesthetic encounter with the mother’s face is addressed. It is offered as a key to both women’s conscious selfhood and to aesthetic experience. Duncan considers its metaphorical resonance in women’s creative practice as central to female experience of an authentic self” (Adams & Duncan, 2003, p. 5).

I find it strange that I have never composed a song about motherhood before? I always composed songs about my personal experiences. Motherhood is a core experience of mine, why haven’t I composed on this subject? I have shared a sample of my divine feminine, motherhood and the afflictions she faces. It has connected my personal and creative fields, aiding me to embrace my otherness in music production, my femininity, and motherhood. I possibly haven’t shared my experience of motherhood before in my music due to my otherness in production and not wanting to do something that is regarded as feminine in a masculine environment. Composing a song on this personal subject of motherhood shows a female modality of music production. Communicating this experience in my music also portrays feminine performativity in record production. These are feminine aesthetics of my music production. Expressing such an intimate part of me in my music and sharing this with others has helped me to understand myself and my femininity in my creative realm.

“With the re-establishment of a symbolic mother-daughter relationship the otherwise inexpressible content of that relationship, sublime in one respect, so long buried in cultural matricide in another, can become the subject of woman’s authentic process of individuation” (Adams & Duncan, 2003, p. 255).

Conclusion

This blog on the sonic storytelling of song ‘The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood’ presented an informative view into a feminine realm of music production, delivering a comprehensive understanding of the female approach and process to music production. Please comment below if you have any questions or would like to further discuss the intersection of gender and music production. The following blog will dissect my creative process with visceral accounts on the sonic storytelling of song ‘Lecritue Feminine’ — narrating my music-making processes, by highlighting how I implement the song concepts into the musical composition, audio processing, and lyrics.

Read the previous blog: https://medium.com/orthentix/the-sonic-storytale-of-heartcore-5a709e859195

Read the following blog: https://medium.com/orthentix/the-sonic-storytelling-of-song-lecriture-feminine-ef1a52282af0

Orthentix | Official Website

Encore

Divine Affliction, experimental electronica with raw, introspective, brooding, emotive music. A journey through the female experience. A musical expression of the divine feminine and the afflictions she faces…She finds strength in her vulnerability and turns her affliction into a virtue.

The Divine Affliction album will be released — December 2019! There will be a Divine Affliction Poetic Documentary published on Youtube — January 2020. The documentary is a lens into my intersection of gender and music production. Divine Affliction, a story of me, a female and a producer. The documentary hosts intimate footage at home with my daughter, performing live and expressing in my realm of creativity. With narration discussing the song concepts along with excerpts of songs from the album. Experience her story of music production through a feminine lens, a feminine perception of music production…Excited? I am. Stay Tuned via the following link to my Youtube channel!

Orthentix

Reference List:

Adams, Teresa & Duncan, Andrea. (2003.). The feminine case: Jung, aesthetics and creative process. Karnac Books Ltd, London: UK. ISBN: 978 1855752849.

Farrugia, Rebekah. (2012.). Beyond the Dance Floor: Female DJs, Technology and Electronic Dance Music Culture [Article]. Intellect: Bristol, UK. ISBN 978–1–84150–566–4.

Hepokoski, James. (August, 1994). The Musical Times. Vol. 135, №1818 (p. 494). Published by: Musical Times Publications Ltd. DOI: 10.2307/1003328. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/1003328?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

Hobbs, Jared. (29 November 2018). Ledgernote: Musical key characteristics & emotions [Blog]. Retrieved fromhttps://ledgernote.com/blog/interesting/musical-key-characteristics-emotions/

Macarthur, Sally. (2002.). Feminist aesthetics in music. Greenwood Press, CT: USA. ISBN: 0–313–31320–2.

McLary, S. (1991) Feminine endings. London: University of Minnesota Press. ISBN 978–0- 8166–4189–5.

Music Theory Acadamy. (2019). Triads: Chords and triads [Website]. Retrieved from https://www.musictheoryacademy.com/understanding-music/triads/

Stoltzfus, Philip. (June 5, 2006). Theology as Performance: Music, Aesthetics, and God in Western Thought. New York: TT Clark. p 81 & 101

Wikipedia. (N.d). A minor [Website]. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_minor

Wikipedia. (N.d). Triad: music [Website]. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triad_(music)

Orthentix. (2018). The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood blog: Basses [Video Link]. Retrieved from https://vimeo.com/326310327/27cc2ecebc

Orthentix. (2018). The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood blog: Drums and SFX [Video Link]. Retrieved from https://vimeo.com/326281161/130b0d3ddb

Orthentix. (2018). The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood blog: Melodies and harmonies [Video Link]. Retrieved from https://vimeo.com/327187527/1f61b23b6f

Orthentix. (2019). The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood [Audio Link]. Retrieved from https://soundcloud.com/orthentix/the-phenomenological-ecritu

Orthentix. (2019). The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Instrumental [Audio Link]. Retrieved from https://soundcloud.com/orthentix/the-phenomenological-ecriture

List of Figures

Figure 1. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Song Official Promotional Image. Still image taken from film ‘Divine Affliction’, directed by Wayne McPhee and filmed by Chasen Green, edited by House of Pheonix Eleven. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 2. Arrangement of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 3. Sub-bass MIDI notation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 4. Blownbass MIDI notation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 5. Dark wobble bass MIDI notation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 6. LFO on wobble bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Serum synth. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 7. Dark weight DnB bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Serum synth. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 8. Dark weight DnB bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 9. SY Big Sleepy melody of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Serum synth. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 10. Melodic instruments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 11. Melodic instruments and appegiated accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 12. Harmony instruments of chord accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 13. Harmony instruments of string accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 14. Harmony instruments of marimba motives of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 15. Harmony instruments of pads of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 16. Harmony instruments of pads accompaniments of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 17. Melody and harmony automation of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 18. Dynamic processing of blown bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 19. Added dynamic processing of blown bass of song The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Logic Project File. Copyright Orthentix 2018.

Figure 20. The Phenomenological Ecriture of Motherhood — Song Promotional Image. Photography by House of Phoenix Eleven. Copyright Orthentix 2018.