Loren Wilson
Aug 24, 2018 · 3 min read
Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

“Prince, Sire, thank you for coming in today.”

“I must admit that I was surprised to hear from you. I wasn’t even aware that the kingdom had an HR department.”

The HR representative nodded. “Oh yes. The King, your Father, created it several months ago in response to the growing number of complaints about the knights in the kingdom.”

The Prince chuckled. “Oh, you know, boys will be boys.”

The HR representative leaned forward and looked at the Prince over their glasses. “Not while I am the HR representative for the kingdom. They will start behaving more appropriately.”

The Prince smiled. “Good luck with that. So what can I do for you today?”

The HR person shuffled through some papers before selecting one and giving the Prince a hard look. “You have had a sexual harassment suit filed against you.”

“A what?”

“A sexual harassment suit.”

The Prince sat in shocked silence, able to utter only one word. “Who?”

The HR representative scanned the paper. “Let me see…” The HR person looked up. “A Ms. Snow White.”

“My fiancé?”

The HR person looked at the paper again. “Actually, she refers to you as her ex-fiancé. Has it been a while since you have seen her?”

“I have been out of the country slaying two; no make that three, dragons over the last month. I plan to see her later this afternoon to see how the wedding plans are coming.”

”That won’t be possible. She has filed a restraining order against you. “

“Meaning…”

“You are not to come within three rods of her.”

“But…”

The HR representative leaned forward on the desk. “I repeat, you are not to come within 3 rods of her.”

The Prince sighed heavily. “I don’t understand, what did I do wrong?”

The HR person read some more. “The issue seems to have occurred three months ago. You were riding through the forest. When you came across her, you kissed her without consent. Do you dispute this?”

“No, but the kiss awoke her from…”

“Do you make it a habit of kissing complete strangers you meet in the forest?”

“We weren’t strangers. We had met in passing one day a few months ago.”

“OK, let me rephrase the question. Do you make it a habit of kissing relative strangers you meet?”

The Prince sighed in frustration. “You don’t understand. She was asleep under a magical spell, and the kiss is what woke her up!”

The HR person looked at the Prince incredulously. “So not only do you kiss relative strangers, you take advantage of them while they are asleep?”

“She wasn’t really asleep; it was more like…”

“Like what?”

“Like she was, dead.”

The eyes of the HR representative got wide. The person picked up a quill and muttered while writing, “Displays a tendency towards necrophilia.”

“Wait a minute…”

“Then there’s the second point.”

The Prince rolled his eyes. “There’s more?”

“Yes. Ms. Snow White alleges that you took advantage while she was confused.”

“Took advantage? Listen I didn’t touch …”

The HR person smiled grimly. “You put her on your horse and whisked her away to your castle with the intent of marrying her, even though she was befuddled from just awakening.”

“But I love her! I couldn’t leave her there! She was living with seven men!”

“But did you have her consent before you put her on your horse?”

“No, but…”

The HR representative started getting more animated. “Did you see any signs that the seven other men had harmed her in any way?”

“No, but…”

“And did you not just state that she had been dead?

“Yes, but…”

“Do you really expect someone to be able to make a life-changing decision, moments after they have awoken from the dead?”

The Prince got quiet. “But I love her.”

The HR representative looked at the Prince with empathy. “I’m sorry, your highness. However, even though you are royalty, I must enforce the HR policies for this kingdom.” The person closed the file folder on their desk. “You are being placed on ninety days paid administrative leave from your position as Prince. Any questions?”

“No.”

“Then, good day, Sire.”

“But…”

“I said, good day.”

The Prince sadly got up. “Good day.”

Other Doors

From haiku to hefty memoirs - poems, stories and essays that break through the bullshit. Looking for pieces that go far beyond cliché to uncover a new realm of possibilities. Other Doors features writing that leaves the reader with genuine congenital reactions.

Loren Wilson

Written by

Full-time IT nerd and part-time writer. I write about whatever catches my fancy that day, although, mostly fiction. Visit me at https://loren-wilson.com

Other Doors

From haiku to hefty memoirs - poems, stories and essays that break through the bullshit. Looking for pieces that go far beyond cliché to uncover a new realm of possibilities. Other Doors features writing that leaves the reader with genuine congenital reactions.

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