Vera Beartoy (Part Two)
Lightning strikes and Vera sleeps. She cannot be awakened until the storm passes, until the last drop of acidic rain lands. She rests within the eyes of hurricanes. She is peace within chaos and destruction. The spiders are hanging on, in their homes, in the air.
Eliot was hanging on to a dream, struggling to rip apart the massive web, kicking and gnashing, lacerating his limbs until he could fall to earth — or have his insides sucked out.
More pain is more rewarding. However, a pleasant plummet is a single bullet, instant gratification. But what am I doing speaking in metaphors, anymore? There’s nothing left to conceal — but it’s actually easier than the alternative. Just as long as it’s raw like sashimi. I can chew on it, roll it around on my tongue until I understand what I’m eating. Fresh meat- stuck in my teeth- reminding me, telling me, ‘Nothing ever dies, we all become each other.’
One way or another, we’ll eat ourselves from the inside out and enjoy every minute of it. We create our destruction. We’re not destroying each other, we’re destroying ourselves. Blaming and feeding on one another.
The witching hour had arrived. He lay paralyzed on the shredded sheets in his hospital gown. Midnight rounds had ended; the metallic tinkering of keys and chinking of locks had ceased. Vera was awake, she was listening to him. She descended upon him from her great height, a bridge between lucidity dreams. She began spitting out her invisible thread to protect him from trashing about. Eliot cursed her in the silence of his mind, unable to speak due to the tranquilizers and restraints.
So, spin your fucking web. Go fuck yourself. Inflict your own pain.
“Slow down and pace your thoughts.”
“So this is how it went down. I see beneath the surface now; I was shrouded in silk — more like strapped down. I watched as she wrapped her translucent thread around me — that’s her way, I allowed it — laying in submission until I couldn’t move. I was under the spell of my own delusions. I spoke into the void… Finally, I heard a reply, it was the echo of my own voice, barely audible, ‘Release me, I’m not begging. This a command. Free me, or I will tear this fucking web down for my own freedom.’
It was as if invisible hands had unwound me. I stood on the precipice next to this tormented angel. As her tears fell, I was exalted. I spoke as I pleased, knowing that I had delivered myself to her. However, I wasn’t sure what would become of me.”
“It seems to me we are making progress. We’ll pick it up from here tomorrow. Until then, stay on your meds and remember to be respectful to the staff. Would you like to add anything before we close the session?”
“I have no regrets. I made no mistake. I accepted Vera’s lesson,” the contorted gesture of a wink didn’t go unnoticed. He regained his composure and left the doctor to her notes and books. Outside, an orderly was waiting to escort him to the psychiatric pharmacy.
“I apologize for the bite marks, Rosco. I wasn’t myself.”
“Happens all time, Dr. Van Dhoza. It’s part of the job. But if you try it again, you’ll be in the yellow room a lot longer next time.”
“Understood. Thanks, Rosco.”
