What Matters?
A Decade of Lessons Learned: Part One
On Life: What Matters?
Everything matters. Every intention, thought, action has a cumulative effect on the outcome of our lives. In the end, nothing matters. We are born, we die. Everything in between matters.
This is a sign of intelligence: to be able to hold two contradictory thoughts within the mind simultaneously. To not fall off this teeter totter into an abyss of insanity. This is to be alive.
Not everyone who is walking is healthy, not everyone who is smiling is happy, and not everyone who is breathing is alive.
When I felt at my lowest, learning to accept the pain that came with remembering, sitting in the discomfort of it, nothing was a more effective balm than counting all the blessings had been gifted to me. I began with my body, going down from head to toes naming everything that worked as it was meant to, the three people I had given birth to, the two people they had married, the five people who had become my tribe of friends who watched me recover without offering suggestions or advice. The best kind of friends.
When you feel surrounded by love and showered in gratitude, and think you don’t deserve it, smack yourself upside the head to remind yourself: YOU TOTALLY DO!
If a belief system — whether acquired from family, community, culture, or religion — does not allow for self-exploration, self-expression, or self-love, or individuation in any way, then it is inherently not in sync with our inner world or the Universe.
The many faces of Me: Who I am and who I think I am changes as I deconstruct my identities. No longer knowing myself only as (in alphabetical order) American, Baby Boomer, Childhood Sexual Assault survivor, Coma & Near/Death/Experience survivor, Daughter, Divorcee, Doula, Feminist, Friend, Indian, Kitchen Queen, LGBT Activist, Massage Therapist, Mother, Mother/in/Law, Trauma Informed Facilitator of Writing Workshops, Trauma Informed Teacher of Cooking, Senior, Singer, Sister, Wife, Woman, Writer.
It is not when we are surrounded by all we need and love, but when we are stripped of all we know to be ourselves and can still know kindness for others and compassion for ourselves: this is to be invincible. It is when we no longer know who we are that we have the opportunity to truly be ourselves.
It is simply I: Juhi.
