Imperfection & Unlimited Chances
You know I’ve come to the realization that the place of employment’s (which I will not disclose) environment has been so unhealthy and not beneficial to my mental wellbeing and recovery for many reasons, which I’m gonna dig deeper below.
As someone living with depression and some anxiety, working an environment that is very limiting and hard to live my own life on my own terms; it really does take a huge toll on my health and I’m not very happy about that at all!
For all my life, I’ve strived and dedicated my life to meeting society’s expectations and standards just so I could win the prize of “their acceptance/approval” and feel that and be at peace or at least happy.
But working at the place I’ve worked at since July 2017, has taken a huge toll on my life: to the point where it dictates how I live my life and who I am; and for as long as I’ve known this with a clear mind; I’ve been living my life as someone but myself and I’m sick and tired of listening and following the rules of becoming someone else to just gin someone’s approval or receive grace for following the rules instead of breaking them. If they knew me at all; I’m someone who wants to dedicate the rest of her life living her life on her own terms and not listening to what others think or want her to do and listen to her heart!
And another part of the “real” me that I’ve hid from most of the world is that I’ve been wanting and craving and just waiting for the time I decide to start taking bigger risks than I already have to this point in my life. I’m sick and tired of people telling me to keep a safety net; I wanna feel uncomfortable more often and take risks and be happy living my life on my terms because I decided to listen to my heart instead of the voices around me; not the voices in my head either)!
People tell me that braking the rules like the ones at the place I work will risk my employment but honestly my mental wellbeing is way more important than following the rules and giving people who I work with be happy with my work and cooperation with their “stupid limiting” rules! Like I believe as much as many other people including those who’ve made history:
Fashion is confidence & connection. It’s about breaking from pre-conceived limitations to be fully self-expressed and proud of who you are! ~ Allyson Ahlstrom
And I’m someone that’s been overly passionate about living her life as creatively as she intends to as she is the only one who has the power and the controller. Like the book: Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
I don’t like when people tell me how to live my life especially with the same old stupid rules that are limiting all our citizens including ourselves with how far we can go in our one life and who can and cannot be in this life! Hello it’s our life, only we can control it and choose how we wanna live it and who we choose to be; no one else should dictate that for anyone; but should rather inspire, encourage, uplift ourselves to creating an inner version of ourself like this quote states:
It’s one of the most historical forms of art. What we choose to wear tells a story about who we are! Whether you wear black and leather or pastels and silk, you’re creating an inner version of yourself whether you realize it or not! ~ Supergirl
With these two quotes from Supergirl and Allyson Ahlstrom, it’s been clear that I’m trying to say that I wanna be able to achieve some peace knowing people understand what kind of message I’m bringing to light for the world to learn, know and be impacted in a positive way!
It’s my life and I’d like for people in all areas of our society to try to understand that my method of living my life is not bad thing and change is always possible and always a good thing because of how we are impacted by it when we choose to let it change us for the better!
Life is a work of art and I’d like to use my passion for creative arts to make it beautiful the way I like and how I intend it to look! Because that would give me peace and that’s what means more to me than any amount of money or being right or winning any bet or game.
Life is a work of art. You gotta paint it colourful. You can make it anything you want. Don’t have to stick to any rules. You don’t need a high I.Q. You just succeed in what you do. You just gotta have no doubt. Just believe in yourself! Make it what you want. Don’t let anyone change your work of art!
Next I’d like to talk about perfection. When I heard that Pretty Little Liars would be releasing a new series including both Allison DiLaurentis and Mona VanderWaal and after watching the trailer for it; I began to really like it knowing it had “Perfectionists” in the name.
I can relate because I’m a perfectionist myself no matter what anyone else tries to say otherwise; they don’t know who I really truly am; so they really don’t know me at all! My whole life, I’ve tried to strive for perfection along with meeting society’s standards and expectations and it was so beyond exhausting and painful knowing at some point in that process, that I wouldn’t be able to listen to my heart unless I decided enough was enough. And start living my life as authentic, real and as I’d like it to be so I can live a happy, peaceful, authentic life!
After all these years of striving for perfection, it was one of a few many things that brought on my depression and my anxiety which I never knew I struggled with till maybe 2016 or later! Throughout all these years I’ve put on a lot of weight labeled as: anger, hate, pain, and more deeper emotions and psychological issues that I’ve struggled with for many years. And that has built up and whenever I lash out or take a risk in a specific way, it is coming from my past along with an issue I’ve carried with me on my shoulders for most of my life and is finally coming out; just not in the best way as I’d like it to!
But truthfully I gotta say that I’m absolutely done with allowing anyone for that matter dictate how I live my life and who I choose to be in this life; after all it’s my life; no one else’s! And with that being said, why I’ve posted this and the previous posts on my Medium account which I removed after having a chat with my manager, I’d like to share my deep reasons why I posted them and this in the first place!
It’s because if we don’t make some changes about how we allow workers/associates to live while working for employers; nothing will change except for more people releasing their anger and frustration for why some companies aren’t realizing that change is a good thing and the kind of messages we are trying to bring to light for yet world to know, are to help create more possibilities and less limitation. Because like one or many people say:
If we can empower woman, the skies the limit! ~ Carmen Tal
And with that being said, limitations can really take a toll on people’s lives but they don’t have to if we just open ourselves and our minds to the endless possibilities of letting these limitations free and open to new things: nothing is impossible! Like this movie (trailer) in link! And to state more about the next point of my main statement here; without having any fun and creativity, work would be boring and not that meaningful to give one’s life more purpose!
If we don’t find some lightness and humour in this darkness we face everyday, no one would stay in this job! ~ Richard Webber
And I believe this: “If you think logically, your gonna lose the creative arts.” By Topanga Mathews from Girl Meets World! And along with this short brief but to the point scene script from an episode called “Girl Meets Creativity”:
Maya: My name is Maya Hart. This committee relies on charts and graphs. I have information to add to them.
Chairman: Please share them, Ms. Hart
Maya: You want numbers? United States rending in math, science and reading has done nothing but drop in the last 50 years.
Chairman: Your proposal?
Maya: Get rid of them.
Chairman: Cut math, science and reading?
Maya: Why not? We stink at em. But you know what we’re #1 at? Movies and music! People all over the world are inspired by our creativity. But hey I don’t want to get rid of anything. You started it.
Chairman: My hands are tied.
Maya: Yeah, it’s so funny. Everyone keeps saying that but they’re not. Look at them, your hands are free. You just think they’re tied.
See where I’m going with this?
Next I wanna talk more about imperfection; it’s more of something I’m good at when I set my mind to it and when I don’t think about it too much:
When I first started this collection, it was about being perfect, every stitch in the right place, every accessory paired perfectly with each design. Because I set my whole life trying to be perfect and we spend our whole lives trying to be clean but that’s just not how life works. And sometimes the most beautiful things can come from the ugliest of places and from our imperfections, we learn and we grow and from the dirt blooms the flower!
When I reached the point of one episode of “Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists”, it really brought me close to home deep within an painful wound I’ve carried in my skin for most of my life and never had the guts or courage to take my mask off for the world to get to know the “real” me scars, imperfections, and all!
