Top 5 Reasons Not to Read Top 5 Lists

Dear fellow interneters. Stop clicking on blog posts that present gratuitous numbered lists. They are worthless, and I include this post amoungst their tired and feeble ranks. And yet, you will read on, won’t you? Sucker.

Here’s the deets:

1. It’s a scam — The post’s author has no special dispensation to say what are the top 5 (or 10 or 7) of anything. She’s just manipulating your elephant brain into thinking there is something authoritative about the post. It’s the same psychological trick at play when stores prices things at $213.47 exactly. We assume the specificity must be due to a rationale. It’s not. There was a beggar in the Mission who always asked me for 27 cents, 55 cents, and so on. I felt bad for him but I also loathed his psycho-trickery.
2. They tell you what you already know — These lists rarely contain new information. They just repeat the same old lines. Yes, I should start meditating and cut out sugar and focus on one important thing every morning and think like Steve Jobs and learn to forgive. But reading about it one more time isn’t DOING it. My advice, pick the one habit you know you need to pickup and focus on only that. If you’re looking for a method, try this.
3. The third item in the list is usually just filler — case in point…
4. You’re making the internet worse — Every time you click on this sort of pablum, you’re encouraging writers to create more of it. It’s a downward spiral that leads to cat pictures. I know you love cat pictures and you know I love cat pictures but that’s not the point. The point is by avoiding these articles you are doing your small part to improve the world… or at least the world of poopy blog posts. We are the change we’ve been waiting for.
5. In honor of those who’ve suffered through the top 5 list epidemic, the fifth reason is in absentia. Instead of reading about the fifth reason, go kiss someone you love, or someone you at least like, or someone who smells pretty good today. The internet will thank you!

Ok, now go forth and multiply— except when it comes to top five lists, I suggest going forth and subtracting. Next on the chopping block: slide shows and infographics!

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This was originally posted at wanderplay.net.