Dear Betty,
My life’s not too bad. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who is OK on most things. We have a lot in common, but politics is one not one of them.
You see, I voted for President Trump twice. And my husband is a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat, and even worse he’s very liberal. He can really rant and rave about how terrible Republicans are. He can also get on his high horse and really come down hard on President Trump. When this all happens, I think it’s best just to be quiet because I don’t want to rock the boat and cause problems.
Don’t get me wrong, President Trump has his faults. He’s not perfect, as none of us are. But yes, I do like his style because he speaks his mind. He believes that things need to be shaken up in our country and he did a great job of that as president. He would have done an even better job if the Democrats hadn’t tried to block everything he wanted to do.
It’s not just my husband, though, it’s all our friends. When we get together, they just pile on when it comes to criticizing the president and the Republicans. They seem to think that government can solve every problem that they can come up with or create, and it really wears thin on me. They are OK like my husband, but It’s becoming too much to handle. And with a Presidential election coming up next year, I can guarantee that the comments and accusations will only get worse.
I know this all makes me a closet Republican, but I just don’t know what to do. And I’m afraid my feelings on this will start bleeding into how I feel about my husband if something does not change. Actually, that has already happened to some degree, and I’m afraid it will soon extend to our group of friends.
What should I do?
Sincerely,
Surrounded.
Dear Surrounded,
You certainly have a phenomenal problem. I’m sure that staying quiet about this is a gigantic burden for you. And it also sounds like you are nearly at the end of your rope.
Nowhere in your letter do I hear anything about what you want for yourself. How important is your marriage to you? How much do you really like your friends, and will you miss them if they are not in your life?
These questions are not easy to answer, but paramount as you move forward. And if answered, there likely will not be a finality about them. There will be only guideposts for you to pass through as you decide on a path to take. Plus, the answers to these kinds of questions are not usually clear cut. If they were, you would not be writing to me. Most likely your feelings on what to do will be mixed and the question of which feelings and preferences are most important may not be clear either.
I suggest you start this process by looking into your cauldron of thoughts and feelings and using your gut to see what is most important to you — at this moment. What is important can always change as time goes by. So, there’s no pressure! Always remember you can exceed your wildest and most satisfying expectations.
If you choose to go in a new direction, it will take guts to do that. It will be easier though coming from a place of knowing rather than from reacting. It will also take guts to talk directly to your husband about this. How he responds will give you a very good idea of whether you made the right choice or not.
There is no time like the present to come out of the closet on this. Letting this fester longer will not be good for you, your husband or your friends. And there might be another reason that the present would be a good time to tackle this. Once next year’s election rolls around, it will just get harder to broach this subject artfully with your husband and friends.
Betty Johnson
Ken Grotewiel writes for the publication Our Sacred Democracy on Medium and is a Founding Member of the None of the Above Society.
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