Member-only story
Musings
Reflections on empty space
Some bright morning, I will rise on wings like eagles, but until then I can be found here on the earth below. Please leave a message after the tone and I will return your call.
I watch the shadows on the wall like some people watch television. The shadows don’t move, and neither do I. I am filled with something so heavy that, despite my loquacity, I lack the words to describe it.
Loneliness bubbles out of my nostrils even as I spend my days surrounded by people who love me. And even as I lament my solitude, I also desire to be alone.
The rhythm of the clothes dryer lulls my anxiety to sleep. In the wake of my rage is a tranquilizing numbness that robs me of my desire to fight. I don’t even know what I was fighting. All I can discern is the exhaustion of a soul that is rumored to belong to me.
After months of building a fortified city around my heart, I opened my eyes and realized that the foundation was crumbling below. And when the walls came tumbling down, I fell apart for the thousandth time.
I cried until I believed that tears would begin to evade me, but still, they fell as tiny hammers drummed on my temples and grief over a life lost made my eyes small and puffy.
I never asked for much. And maybe, that’s the problem.
