BTS don’t “know” me, and that’s totally okay.
I think everything we focus on comes back down to ARMY. We share in each other’s feelings and they’re the source of our strength, and I think they have synergy with us. It’s not enough to just say ARMY and us like each other, or that we love each other. There’s definitely more to it than that. It’s well — I don’t know. It’s hard to put into words.
— Jungkook, Weverse Magazine
I overthink a lot about what I should write sometimes. Is it necessary or important, is it worth my energy? Does it matter? Has it already been said in a better way than I ever could? Yeah, probably. Sometimes I’ll have random bursts of thought and type out extensive Twitter threads just to reach the fifth 280 character box and save it to my drafts or delete it altogether. I’m a writer, but I don’t always feel like a great one.
In fact, I don’t always feel like one at all. But words have always been the most true to myself way to navigate the world as I experience it. I guess you could say writing is a malleable part of my identity — it’s taken a lot of different shapes over the years, but it’s always there. At one point I thought I’d lost it for good though, and then something happened: I found BTS; I became an ARMY.
My Twitter fingers were once again moving faster than I could think after reading Weverse Magazine’s new interview piece featuring our beloved Golden Maknae, Jeon Jungkook, and it occurred to me that this time I didn’t want to press ‘Tweet’ but I didn’t want to delete it either. I’m overthinking again, because what I’m about to express has already been iterated more times than one can count within this fandom albeit in different ways. But I have to admit that I’ve been bothered because it seems, lately, I can’t escape people taking jabs at ARMY for their usual passion for BTS. I mean just how many times will I have to see or hear someone say, “they don’t even know you” as a response to our defense of a group we love? Is that really all it ever boils down to?
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not bothered by them saying that. Truthfully, anytime it occurs I have to laugh. Why would I listen to someone on the outside looking in? No, I’m more bothered that the underlying message I’m receiving is that people’s idea of love and relationships is rather small. It’s a bit twisted (see: misogynistic) that this comment is always said in reference to BTS not knowing us and therefore not loving us back romantically. I assume it’s meant to attack this one-dimensional image of a fangirl obsessed with men who will never want her and so what easier way to hurt her than to throw that fact back in her face when she shows you how much she cares about them. It seems to me that it never occurs to those who retaliate this way that maybe, just maybe, other forms of love exist.
And I suppose that even if you took it out of that context and meant it as a way to downplay the importance that this group holds for any one of their fans — simply because why on earth would anyone go this hard for a group of celebrity artists? — it’s still rather ironic to me who it’s usually coming from. Sometimes it’s men sitting on their radio shows bad mouthing “K-Pop stans” and calling us mentally ill, which let’s be honest, this isn’t who I’m talking about because I wouldn’t give grown men who do this more credit than their underdeveloped critical thinking skills deserve. But other times it’s just fan accounts for other artists, with their own celebrity profile pictures and fandom circles that treat ARMY like we’re beyond help. Do we care too much about the artists that adorn our profiles, or have they failed to question that maybe they just don’t care in the way we do about theirs? And if they do, are they simply projecting their shame around their own passions? Or angry that theirs isn’t returned in the same way?
I get that even with social media it can be a rare occurrence for celebrities to acknowledge their followings beyond a certain extent, so the bond may not always be one that feels mutual and reciprocal. Now I’m not saying other artists don’t care and only BTS do. There are plenty of examples of artists who go out of their way to connect with fans, but the majority of these relationships exist in a very vertical way. This being the case, I know that what BTS and ARMY have is special because our relationship is one that feels and proves to be much more horizontal, because BTS are fans of ARMY too.
ARMY is absolutely … I feel like they’ve become an icon themselves. I’m so proud of them. They’re amazing. ARMY is like an artist in itself now, too. Sort of like they’re one big symbol of the era? ARMY is as famous as BTS now. I think we give each other good energy, and helped each other to make something good. It might sound obvious coming from a member of BTS, but if I were ARMY, I’d never be ashamed to call myself a fan of BTS. Anyway, I’m seriously … I want them to always know I’m really, really grateful for them.
— j-hope, Weverse Magazine
It’s true, they will never truly know each of us individually. They don’t know my name or that I stay up late at night writing about them. But like one ARMY explained in this video: when one enters a fandom space, the people that make up that community exist as a collective. I am one of millions of ARMY around the world. BTS knows ARMY, BTS has built an almost decade long relationship with ARMY, and as they have stated sincerely many times, BTS loves ARMY.
Just as I may have no idea what drives someone to stick a flare into their bum over a sport, anyone outside of ARMY’s connection to BTS will not quite fully understand what it means to us. It’s not conventional and it’s not easily explainable, and yes it is love that is real even if it’s not exchanged as directly as seems necessary to deem legitimate. It’s a kind of love that’s beyond all measure; they and we, together, continuously expand in it. This is why I simply don’t dedicate time in my day to argue with others who can’t fathom what that’s like.
I know I don’t have to explain ARMY to anyone hellbent on villainizing us either. This isn’t that. This is just me taking my daily professions of love for seven Korean men and trying to put them into words once again. It’s also me pausing to reflect on and appreciate this grand thing that I’m a part of that’s bigger than myself, to acknowledge this vast sea of ARMY that I get to see in collective action day in and day out. I’m constantly in awe, so much so that it’s like breathing at this point. Sometimes I fear I’ll take it for granted. Yes, I am still fully aware that not everything about this experience is perfect and without its toxicity, including some of the people in this fandom, but I’m not going to get into that because that’s already been unpacked by another ARMY in this video.
I also wanted to write this because as I was reading Jungkook’s words, I was reminded just how much BTS has given me. That may sound like a lot, but I remember a time when saying an artist saved your life was not quite that jarring to hear either. Music has always been universally uniting and healing. I’ve been to so many concerts I’ve lost track, but my favorite part is always how much a crowd can feel like one in a brief moment in time. With BTS and ARMY it feels like that moment is never-ending, and I’ve yet to even see them live.
I guess on top of overthinking, I’m also very frustrated that no matter how many words I type I won’t ever be able to capture this “phenomenon” that can’t even be fully defined in real time because it’s still occurring. I know that for a lot of us trying to explain this to our friends or our family can be just about the most difficult thing, because we know what we sound like. In fact, this piece I stumbled upon that an ARMY wrote two years ago feels very relevant still. There’s an entire lexicon to our seemingly mad love for our boys, a history that every new ARMY is expected to learn and digest. And just like many before me and many after me, falling into the rabbit hole has been beyond life-altering. I don’t think it’s a coincidence at all that for so many of us BTS came into our lives at very low points. They make music that’s meant to reach you there or wherever you are really, to grab you by the hand like a friend.
Personally for me, music has always been self-medication, a way for me to cope and maintain sanity in everything I’ve been through. But compared to the very sad music that made me feel comforted and offered an escape in my youth, BTS’ music feels like a re-do of that only tinged with so much more hope. Loving them has helped me love myself and face the deeper introspections that come with that. As they continue to make art that depicts the complexities of what it means to be human, I know I’m okay even when I’m lost. As an ARMY, they don’t have to know me, because that is enough.
