The lead-up to America’s latest presidential election has seemed, from the very beginning, almost like something out of a work of dystopian fiction. Its central characters are a reality television show pony that The Hunger Games’ host Caesar Flickerman would surely appreciate and a former first lady who, despite being poised to puncture the ultimate glass ceiling, has still managed to become one of the most disliked nominees ever, surpassed only by her accused abuser opponent and his vocal supporter, former Ku Klux Klan leader and current Louisiana U.S. Senate candidate David Duke. Alleged search engine suppression may have replaced burning books, but one of the main candidates’ campaigns is still more often than not compared to a dumpster fire and the other is essentially a grown-up version of Tracy Flick, so really, it’s all relative. And it’s all begging to be turned into a screenplay. (Aspiring screenwriters of America, prepare your pitches now.)
In a matter of mere days, those who simply can’t wait to see the drama unfold on the big screen will be able to watch election night results at a movie theater — in theaters designated “red” for Trump and “blue” for Clinton, of course. (We’re at war here, people; please, stick to your appropriate side of the wall.) But when the dust from this polarizing political boxing match settles, to whom should we turn to direct its inevitable feature film dramatization?
Oliver Stone certainly has presidential precedent, both fictional (1993’s Dave and some would say 1991’s conspiracy thriller JFK) and factual (1995’s Nixon and 2008’s W.) on his side, but that’s entirely too obvious and therefore too uninteresting.
Michael Moore’s already blown his wad this election cycle with the recent TrumpLand documentary that is now fascinatingly beloved by certain conservatives, so he’s out of the running; but narrative filmmaking isn’t really his thing, anyway. If John Hughes were still alive, he could probably turn it into some sort of a charmingly comedic battle of social cliques — after all, the candidates aren’t afraid to publicly hurl insults at each other, at news anchors, at anyone really, much like petulant high schoolers — but alas, his mortality makes that a non-option. (That will not stop me, however, from releasing a Judd Nelson-style fist pump when this whole thing is over next week, but that is beside the point.)
Acclaimed director Danny Boyle could certainly lend some beauty to the sinister nature of this election cycle. He’s not afraid of delving into the hard-to-watch (see: a man hacking his own arm off in 127 Hours, Slumdog Millionaire’s infamous toilet dive, the infant death scene in Trainspotting that I still haven’t quite gotten over), and a parade of zombie voters reminiscent of 28 Days Later could make for a mesmerizing visual. But chances are, he’d cut to black right before the debates started, a la Steve Jobs, and that would mean we wouldn’t get to see Clinton hilariously Jim Halpert the camera, so: no deal.
In the Loop director and Veep creator Armando Iannucci is a strong contender, and in many ways, his work on the charmingly caustic HBO series could be considered a good practice run. (“Originally, this show was meant to be a political satire,” Veep star Julia Louis-Dreyfus told The Hollywood Reporter before the series’ strangely prescient season finale aired this past spring. “And now, I feel as if it’s more a somber documentary.”) But though Iannucci’s schedule would seemingly allow it — he stepped down as Veep’s showrunner following its fourth season in 2015 — his expertise as of yet lies almost exclusively in serial television.
David Fincher, on the other hand, is a veritable movie machine. (Yes, I do realize he is an executive producer on House of Cards, but come on: Fight Club. Seven. Gone Girl. Movies are his main modus operandi, and I’ll take as many of them as I can get.) Reunite Fincher with The Social Network screenwriter Aaron Sorkin, and all this endless talk of “losers” and erroneous email servers will be transformed into the quick, sharp (if slightly repetitive) dialogue for which Sorkin is known. Instead of Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg dramatically writing code on dormitory windows, we’ll get Trump menacingly hunched over a phone in the wee hours of the morning, composing a series of mean tweets. And, of course, thanks to The West Wing, we know that Sorkin has the uncanny ability to make us care about politicians. As for whether or not he and Fincher could do that with this particular batch, well … let us not ask too much of our luminaries.
These top contenders notwithstanding, I have to wholeheartedly give my vote to Adam McKay. With 2015’s Academy Award-winning The Big Short, the prolific writer/director/producer proved that he can make seemingly dry material like the housing crisis surprisingly watchable. Sure, Margot Robbie explaining sub-prime loans while sipping champagne in a bubble bath helped, but really, that’s half the point. McKay can — and will — make an at-times overwhelming subject like the global financial crisis of 2008 understandable and entertaining. But more than that, he’ll manage to make it intelligently funny. And what do those of us horrifyingly transfixed by this borderline apocalyptic presidential election need more right now than a healthy dose of humor? The real world version of the story already makes us cry; the film adaptation should make us laugh, damn it.
McKay can definitely handle depicting a sexist blowhard; hell, he can even make them appear charming (see: all things Ron Burgundy). Thanks to his long running partnership with Will Ferrell, he could probably convince the funnyman to once again resurrect his priceless George W. Bush impersonation; maybe, just maybe, he could even convince Ferrell to double down and impersonate both Bush brothers in the feature film. (Really, Jeb should be so lucky.) And as a former head writer of Saturday Night Live, perhaps he could persuade Alec Baldwin to do us all the favor of taking his Trump impression to the big screen. (Kate McKinnon, I love you, but when it comes to feature-film-Hillary, I’m team Reese Witherspoon. It could be like the Election sequel we never knew we needed.)
Whoever takes the inevitable reins, I leave you with one request: Please make sure Michelle Obama’s campaign efforts get a little bit of screen time. She may not be your lead, but clearly the camera loves her.
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