Success is just around the corner and other fables entrepreneurs tell themselves.

This is it. I’m 28, and have nothing to lose, except maybe a monthly paycheck and my social life.

Over the past 6 months, I’ve rode the crazy entrepreneurial roller coaster, and cried more times than the last ten years combined. Together with my good friend and business partner, Paul, we’ve hatched some crazy startup ideas, from delayed-gratification cabinets to crowd-funded audiobooks, got ecstatic about many of them and then disillusioned just as quickly. Through this process, we have learnt to better weed out good ideas from the truly hopeless. We’re also beginning to see the journey for what it really is: insane, painful, fun, exciting, stressful… and… generally difficult to describe to my gainfully employed friends.

In reply to “How are you doing?”, the adjective I often resort to using is “Great!” Sometimes through gritted teeth. Something that generic doesn’t invite much follow-up. Yet “Great!” isn’t necessarily the whole truth.

Yet I shall try to be completely truthful here and eschew typical social media self-puffery, so here goes: Most of my weeks are both Good and Bad. This week had a whole lot of Terrible.

A rare board game gathering brought my former colleagues together which meant inevitable questions about the startup’s progress, or in our case, the lack thereof. Sure we had an upcoming incubation at the start of next year, but somehow it just wasn’t soon enough. One colleague, familiar with startup culture, casually remarked, “You must be working every Saturday.” “No. Not really.” I said and was immediately wracked with guilt. I passed this guilt as well as a whole lot of negativity to Paul, who subsequently began his morning at an unearthly 6+ am.

The usually cheerful atmosphere in our office dimmed considerably. Misunderstandings ensued and some testy words were exchanged. Today, at the end of the week, friends-with-me-once-again Paul reminded me that we shouldn’t be too quick to equate the sheer number of hours worked with success. I knew that theoretically of course, but it was still hard for me to internalise. In my former government-salaried job, where Paul was my colleague, pulling in late hours usually garnered tangible returns. I could be in perpetual “execution mode”. And now I had to adapt.

What struck me though was that, despite this week being one of the most distressing since I left my job, I’ve never second-guessed myself or my decision to become a broke co-founder of an unknown startup.

Perhaps it was the entrepreneurial brainwash fodder I was consuming in the form of books and magazine articles, but I think the reason I put myself through this emotional wrangler is the possibility, no matter how statistically slight, that something huge could be “just around the corner” that would make this, and all the upcoming peaks and troughs, worthwhile. And because deep down, I know I am in it for the ride.