Trent Reznor: From Idol to Human

I grew up on oldies music back in the 90’s when oldies was music from the 50’s and 60’s. When I was in 8th grade, I started to listen to other music. One of the first albums I bought was Broken by Nine Inch Nails. The album captivated me and how I was feeling at the time. The lyrics hit home, and the sound was intense. This started a love for NIN and Trent Reznor that I hadn’t anticipated.

I tried a lot of different music, mostly metal, alternative rock, and industrial. I even got in trouble with my mother over listening to Broken. I don’t remember why she got mad, but I do remember her being so upset that she sent me to talk to my father. I explained to him how much the album meant to me, and how I felt understood by the music. Not all music did this for me, but NIN certainly did. It didn’t feel like the cause of problems but the solution.

Over the next few years, my friends and I would go to Circuit City, Best Buy, and later Hot Topic to look for CD’s not in our collection. It’s weird to think Circuit City used to be a place to find a variety of hard to find albums and singles. NIN has Halo designations for each album/single, and we were trying to collect them all. Nin.com was also one of the few websites any bands had. Most of it was cryptic, but you could potentially find clues like their 1999 MTV Awards performance (9/9/1999). Of course, there were a few rumor websites that we checked multiple times a day, back in the infancy of the internet.

In the summer of 1999, I went with my friend Jeff to New Orleans to visit his family. The studio NIN used was called Nothing Studios at 4500 Magazine Street; it used to be morgue. We drove by there hoping to see him.

On one of the days, we put on our NIN shirts and went walking by the studio. Nobody was out. At the time, they were recording The Fragile. So we left, and later, after changing our shirts, we saw some people hanging outside the studio sans Trent. We walked up and started talking, and we talked to one guy for an hour. At some point, he went inside and brought us each three albums. All were under the Nothing label, and they’re weren’t NIN, but we were grateful nonetheless. We each got a 12 Rounds LP, a Plaid CD, and a Squarepusher CD back before pushing squares was cool.

The next day, we had our shirts on again, just in case as we drove by, but nobody was there. We had these shirts over our regular t-shirts, and we took them off and went to the zoo considering it was July 7th, 1999 (i.e. summer heat and humidity). Afterwards, as we drove back, when we passed by the studio, he was there. We flipped out!

We had my friend’s mom stop the car, and we got out to walk over. Our hearts were racing, we almost panicked. It felt like a blackout; it was overwhelming and intense emotionally. All the questions I ever thought of to ask him went out the window; I really wanted to know what happened to that Broken movie. I bumbled an introduction and thanking him for the albums. He was very nice and humble, and shook our hands. I’m not sure why we didn’t ask to take a photo.

We probably should have taken a photo because none of friends believed us. It’s strange talking about it because we were both there and have this unique shared experience. They all thought we were pulling a prank on them, and we just let it go. We were over the moon that we met our idol who was practically a god to us.

After that, the Fragile came out, craved every new bit on nin.com, we collected all the halos. I found out I was moving to Paris after the Fragile came out, and I visited Paris during thanksgiving week when Trent played a concert there. It was on Thanksgiving day, and my parents wouldn’t let me go. I was distraught the whole day. NIN was playing at the Zenith de Paris.

There was a date for Houston, and we woke up really early to drive and wait to buy tickets. It was a whole thing. The lead up to the concert involved listening through all the halos, which was an interesting experience; I’d rather not do again due to the repetitiveness when listening to three versions of the same remix CD (different imports).

We went to his concert in Houston, bought the shirt, and sang along to all the songs. It was like goth kids dying over their pop idol. I was shaking nervous until A Perfect Circle opened as we waited outside.

“Where the fuck were you?”

It was a dream to see NIN live, and I’m afraid seeing them again could spoil that dream. This thought has been partially influenced by the guy we talked to outside the studio, the day before we met Trent. We asked why NIN didn’t do Woodstock 1999, and he said the first time you do something, it is a magical experience. The second time and beyond may not be as exciting. According to this guy, Trent felt Woodstock 1999 would be similar.

Then, in the middle of college, Trent got honest about some personal problems he had had. That discussion combined with maturing adulthood allowed me to view him as a normal person. Everybody poops, and he was no exception. It was a relief, and my love of NIN matured quite a bit from a rabid, obsessive love to genuine appreciation and calm love. I didn’t like a lot of his “new stuff” because I’ve been reluctant to embrace change. In recent years, I’ve given more of that stuff another shot, and I like a good bit of it. I remember seeing him on stage accepting an Oscar for soundtrack work, and he seemed like a cool, normal guy.

The strangest bit for me was when he worked at Apple on Apple Music. We both worked at the same company, and I heard people seeing him in the cafe. I wasn’t driven to go find him or stalk him. It was just need to say I worked at the same place. I talked to one guy who was also a fan, but his work meetings were with Trent. That’s pretty radical, but just another day at the office. He didn’t have any magical powers, and we definitely can’t do each others’ jobs. We are just two human beings doing stuff.

If some are seen as gods, others must be subhuman.

This reflection is also about me viewing everyone else in the world as equals. I think idolizing anyone means I’m also looking down on others. If some are seen as gods, others must be subhuman. I’d rather view everyone in all of society as just human, valued just the same regardless of circumstance or job. Trent Reznor has been part of that process, and for that, I am grateful.