Have to eat meat

Since I started this DOT project, I thought everything would be fine but at that time I wasn't thinking deep enough because now that I’m trying to go vegetarian, I realize how much my life relies on meat. I’m finding myself incapable of cutting meat from my diet. Every day I count how much meat I eat and I’m surprised. Even though I am trying to reduce my meat consumption, I’m failing everywhere.

I kind of want to change my DOT because I don’t feel good just eating meat and not doing anything. Maybe I want to take shorter showers but I can’t go vegetarian anymore — I rely too much on meat. If I do something once I can’t stop. If I eat a piece of meat I keep eating it until it’s gone. For example we had pizza and the options were cheese, pepperoni, and sausage. For the first pizza I could resist and I got the cheese pizza but my mouth watered for the other pizzas. When I got seconds there was no more cheese pizza so I had to get the sausage one. I took off the sausages but I looked down at the pieces, I couldn't resist so I got one and said in my head, “just one…” but after the first one I couldn't stop, I ate every little piece, I felt guilty but it was delicious

I thought I could do it, but I realized during this project that I can’t go without eating meat, but I think at the same time that its kind of good that now I’m aware of how much I eat meat every day. However of course I don’t agree with all the animal agriculture destroying our planet. Also, my religion believes that God will destroy this world anyway and that’s what my parents have been telling me and its what they told me when I told them that I was going vegetarian. Also that in the bible it says that God put these animal for us to eat them but the way these companies are raising them is wrong. I wish I had some sort of power to stop them but I’m pretty sure the only I can do to kind of make a difference is to not eat meat and go vegetarian. However I’m afraid can’t go vegetarian, I’m just too carnivorous.