Prohibition signs from 123RF

Why stop at alcohol?

Five obvious next steps for safety reform in Sydney

Extending the wisdom and logic of the NSW Lockout laws to other public issues could make Sydney the safest city on earth. We should implement the following laws without delay!

  1. Ban bicycles. All reports indicate that the majority of cycling deaths could have been avoided if the victims were not cycling. Fortunately, NSW is already making good progress towards banishing this reckless form of transport.
  2. Make face masks compulsory. Respiratory conditions are a major problem in Australia. Face masks not only protect people from respiratory disorders, they also help hide the chronic sadness found in repressed populations.
  3. Ban most food. The leading cause of premature death in Australia is not coward punches, it is cardiovascular disease. An astonishing 95% of at-risk adults do not consume the recommended amounts of fruit and vegetables! By closing all fast food outlets and non-vegetarian restaurants, this senseless loss of life can be substantially reduced.
  4. Ban pedestrians under 14. Land transport accidents account for 14% of child deaths. With its crowded streets and busy intersections, walking in the city and inner-city is unacceptably hazardous for children. They should not be allowed on the street. Nor parents pushing prams for that matter.
  5. Close Catholic Schools and Sunday Schools. With at least 2%, and possibly closer to 5.6%, of Catholic priests being paedophiles, it’s prudent to take no chances and ban all places where unsupervised contact between priests and children can occur.

The implementation of these five practical steps will see Sydney a much safer (albeit deserted) city.

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