Freedom From Perfection
Sounds nice, doesn’t it? I was talking to a friend of mine last week and he said to “seek perfection is to seek failure.” As I let that sink in, I began to feel the truth of it. For months I was sitting on sending out my first “blog” because I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to make sure that every little detail was right….that every word, every image, every link I posted and every thought I wanted to share, would be said and done perfectly.
“And how’s that working for me?” Having fun? Yeah, not so much…
Full disclosure…behind the ‘perfectionism” was in part, a strong desire to be liked, wanted and approved of. All based on an old, and I’m talking centuries here, underlying personal belief that simply said, “I’m not enough.”
Suffice it to say, I spent a lot of my life trying to over compensate by trying to be perfect. Being the best that I could be, wasn’t good enough. I secretly wanted to be the very best, better than anyone else. And my motivation was simple. If I were to achieve perfection, then somehow I would be worthy of being loved. Sad, I know.
After years of recovery and therapy, I understand how those wires got put into place, but none the less, they were still my wires. I gotta tell you, striving for perfection managed to create a personality that was tough to deal with, including sucking the joy out of what ever I was doing and who ever I was doing it with.
As I began to work through this painful realization, I knew it was all self imposed. I had bought into this myth hook, line, sinker, bait, tackle box, what ever. So pragmatically, here is how I began to heal from this. I promised myself that when ever anyone would use a word that I didn’t know, I would stop the conversation, and simply ask them what it means. Or if I didn’t understand something, I would earnestly ask for them to explain it. And I have to tell you, it helped, a lot. I still do it to this day. By the way, this little practice keeps me humble, real, connected and hey, it even advances my vocabulary.
And here is how I delt with it on an emotional/spiritual level. I think perfection or perfectionism is based on a false premise that such a thing even exist…maybe I am playing with semantics here, but words have power. Or better said, we give words power. The idea of perfection, means that something is as good as it’s ever going to get. And that is simply not true. Because everything is in a constant state of evolution.
Here’s one soul-ution to perfectionism….and I heard this from my teacher Abraham. “We can never get it wrong (or perfect,) because we can never get it done.” What??? Exactly. Here’s the deal, there will always be something better, something more, something greater coming down the road, because that is the nature of Spirit. We are continually growing, expanding and becoming more. I gotta tell you, I find tremendous relief and comfort in that truth.
When I realized there actually wasn’t an “end game,” no Super Bowl or Academy Award, no final exam and so on, well, it was like someone had taken a great weight off my shoulders and given me permission to relax…permission to play more, experiment more, engage more, try more, take more risk and more chances, because we really can’t make a mistake. All roads lead to expansion. Do you hear the bells of freedom tolling? I sure do. That’s why I thought the image of the Liberty Bell was, well, dare I say it, perfect. Its cracked and yet represents freedom, liberty from all those self imposed ideas of “not being enough.”
Like I said, we cannot get it wrong because we never get it done. And we never get it done because we are eternal beings. We are all extraordinary individuals, making our own unique contributions, in the only way that we can do it. Like the snowflakes, each uniquely differnt, but coming from the same Infinite Source. There are no two souls exactly alike. So by our very being, WE EACH HAVE A UNIQUE CONTRIBUTION TO OFFER!
There is a BIG difference for me between wanting to be “perfect” and striving for excellence. Striving for excellence is doing something to the best of our given abilities at that particular time. So with that being said, I’ve decided I am going to keep sharing the things that resonate with me, that inspire and open my spirit, that make me laugh out loud, or cry, or sing and dance or fills my mind with wonder and awe. I am going to keep doing those things that resonate within my beautiful heart, because to do any thing less than that would simply be, treason to the soul.
Care to join me snowflake?