3 hours
I was wearing a mustard colored sweater with a little opening in the back and his hand grazed it lightly when he showed me to the dining table. It gave me a little tingle-ing and I wondered if he touched me by accident. When we sat down and started eating, he asked me not to be shy and eat up because it was all for me. Nobody ever spoke to me like that. I wondered about language and how we interpret it. He asked me questions. I wondered. I wondered. I wondered. I wondered. I wondered. I wondered. I wonder…
I took a deep breath.
I exhaled.
I looked around. I looked at him. I felt as if I was in a warm bath or on a soft bed or on a cloud or the cloud was my tummy all warm and soft and safe. I felt as if somebody was rocking me and saying everything was going to be alright. Or covering me with a blanket when I was cold. Or it was spring. Or a man I liked was sharing his world and being interested in mine. In the kitchen, at the table, on the floor, by the fireplace, outside, by the bathroom, at the front door.
It was as if I didn’t have to do anything but be.
I was breathing.
My knees were shaking a little and I had to make an effort to stand.
My brain was a little foggy and I had to make an effort to compose sentences.
Did it even matter if I succeeded in composing them? What if I gave up and just sat there looking at him?
Had I lived in this house before? Why was it so familiar?
Why was this unknown human so familiar?
Who was he anyway?
It was dark and cold outside. We decided to go get more wood from the backyard. I went to the door as I was. He brought me his jacket, then took off his house shoes and gave me those too. Was he showing me who he was?
There were stars.
There was hot tea in glass cups.
There were clouds in my belly.
I tried to be careful not to touch him so as not to explode. A friend told me later she would have, and would have let herself explode.
