3 Lies of Female Success that Keep Women Unfulfilled, Stuck and Drained
On real independence and strength, trying to do it all, and seeing femininity as power
The female empowerment movement is bombarding us with messages of success, independence and “strength”:
“The Future is Female.”
“Empowered Women Empower Women.”
“Be Girlboss”
“Hustle Is The New Black”
They tell us that we can DO IT ALL.
They tell us we need to LEAN IN.
Get a seat at the table and FIGHT for what we deserve.
The slogans of how the patriarchy is keeping women confined and trapped are everywhere.
But the amazing reality is that women have never had more opportunity and possibility to create and live our best lives.
Yet so many of us are stressed, heartbroken and drained.
Why is that?
For the last two years, I went deep into exploring female success and what it means to me and women around the world. I’ve interviewed more than 120 women on Girlskill Podcast from all walks of life asking them questions about femininity, womanhood and female success.
I’ve also dived deep into reading material, research and my own lived experience to understand what makes us, women, different from men and what truly makes us happy and fulfilled.
I woke up one day realizing that I was not born to be a workhorse. I wasn’t born to constantly prove my worth to my parents, boyfriends, bosses, and society. I wasn’t born to fit into a “post-modern feminist” box. I wasn’t born to fit a certain mold.
And this was the time when I decided to rediscover, claim and embrace my womanhood. And now I live a very different life. A life where I make decisions that are true to myself. Where I understand my strength as a woman — which doesn’t involve trying to be a man. Where things are easy and free.
I’m also coaching women in femininity and feminine embodiment which gives me a unique perspective into the intimate world of women — their deep desires and wants, their sorrows and sadness, their limiting beliefs, patterns, boundary issues and much more.
As a result of this work, I have discovered 3 LIES that are widespread and are keeping women stuck and unfulfilled:
Lie #1 — Women Can and Should Do It All
The idea that in order to be “successful” you need to be a superwoman is keeping so many women in a state of constant achievement to be someone and do something meaningful.
We are constantly bombarded with images and ideas of how to not only be a great wife, lover, daughter, and mother but also how to look and feel good. But most importantly, we are told how to take our power back and get on top of our career or our business.
A quick glance at your social media scroll will prove my point.
We are pushed to march and do, and hustle and create, and not stop until we drop dead.
But the reality is that women are built differently. We run on different engines. Our fuel is flow and chaos; creativity and movement; waves of emotional storms and cycles. We can’t fit all that wilderness in a box of “feminism” only to push through and dismantle the patriarchy.
In fact, the patriarchy exists because we, women, choose men who are successful and on top of the game. We find them attractive. Intuitively we lean towards men in power because deep down we are biologically driven to select a man who will secure our future and our children’s future. We are wired to make sure our species survive. And thus, men compete for the best female they can get to impregnate her so his genes also continue living. It’s the game of power. It’s how all mammals survive.
It’s on both sides. You can’t change biology.
So it’s NOT about DOING IT ALL.
And it’s NOT about blaming and dismantling the PATRIARCHY.
It’s about knowing your priorities and your real strengths as a woman, working with your femininity and allowing others to do things for you. It’s about letting your guard down and stopping to control everything in your life, especially your man, and other people around.
If you want to live a life of fulfillment and freedom as a woman, you need to pick your priorities and decide what’s important for you… And let others (men and the universe) take care of the rest.
And you need to breathe out. Fully and confidently.
You need to rest and take the necessary pauses so that not only you, yourself are happy, but so is everyone else around.
Lie #2 — Femininity is Weakness
Many women view femininity as inferior. They are embodying and living a masculine version of success by competing with men and organizing their lives and their psyches according to masculine strategies, ways of thinking and behaviors… and this just doesn’t work.
This way of operating is depleting and accumulates frozen tension in our bodies. It accumulates stories we keep telling ourselves about the world which get stuck and don’t get an exit.
We are equal but we are not the same.
Equality is not homogeny.
So many women struggle with finding a good man to have a relationship with and start a family. They google “what men want” genuinely wanting to know how they can change so they’re attractive to men trying to fit into another box.
They think what men value in a woman is her “strength” and her ability to pay her bills. That her drive and success is what will make him stay. That if she brings 50% to the table, he will respect and value her. And some men do.
But the true masculine men don’t give a damn about your paycheck and how successful you are in your career and business. He wants a woman who can surrender and let go. He wants a woman who can play with the flow of life. He wants her to trust him to lead the relationship to where it really needs to go. Women want to surrender to such a man too and hope to meet him someday but they’re too scared to admit it (otherwise they betray the post-feminism movement and perhaps their mothers and fathers who fought for the possibilities they have now.)
If you want to attract a masculine partner, surrender and trust him, make decisions from the heart, have passion at the core of your business or career, then you need to work with, and not against, your nature and understand that femininity is power and is essential to your fulfillment.
Lie #3 — Female Power Is In Her Independence And Strength
Does it matter that you’re independent and strong (by masculine terms) if you’re not happy?
The simple truth is that women are not fulfilled by the same values as men. Being “strong and independent” is sold to us as an idea that in theory is great but in reality, it doesn’t work. There are plenty of women today who are strong and independent but are deeply unhappy, can’t find a decent partner and create a family and are unfulfilled.
Perhaps strength and independence mean something else for women?
Our primary job as women is to make ourselves happy and fulfilled, be more present in our bodies, to be connected to the depths of our feminine soul and to ride the waves of our natural being.
Living our lives and interacting with others from this place of truth and deep connection is what will make us “successful.”
If you want to live from the depths of your feminine being, you need to understand that our independence and power does not come from working more, doing more and thinking more.
A New Kind of Woman
The truth is that if you are living these lies, soon you will be totally depleted, burned out and hating the world (and some women are already there.)
A new kind of woman is needed today to change the world:
A woman who is free in her being.
A woman who doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone.
A woman who is connected to her feminine depth.
While other women are fighting hard to push forward this modern notion of female success, my clients and I are focusing on an alternative method that involves making these main shifts and turning the tables around that actually make us HAPPIER and FULFILLED.
We are rediscovering and embracing what it really means to be a woman in the 21st century and how can we internalize our wild, feminine nature and use it to create happiness and fulfillment.
Are you with us?
