About knitting and tinder
The first time I got ghosted, I started knitting. Not exactly what you would consider to work off your tension, but back then I was 15, innocent and wanted a new pullover. Life was full of hopes and expectations and I wasn’t disappointed, ’cause as soon as my pullover was finished the guy showed up again and we spent a happy year together. 12 years and some relationships later I sat in my apartment in Vienna and thought about all the great things and big romances, that are still waiting for me out there… and then I found tinder…
Holy christ, what a giant buffet of hot guys just waiting to be swiped on my smartphone. You don’t even know where to start, you have a lot of fun, nice chats, aquaintances, adventures, romances and your ego gets boosted. But after a while everyone got a routine in this online anonymity. And the next thing I knew was that people forgot to behave.
I have a pretty colorful potpourri of the weirdest experiences worth to write a book about. I’m not even talking about the most alluring drop in lines like “wanna give me a blowjob?” or “are you into animal sex?” neither about random dick picks that pop up. I mean guys… no offence, but the sight of a stranger’s crown jewels doesn’t exactly make us think: This must be an intriguing person, can’t wait to meet this… penis… I talk about the fact when you don’t even experience the luxury of being dumped in a good old fashioned way. Today we have new trends. When you have to find out that you got dumped, because your other precious half just isn’t reachable any more, your creative thinking and guessing get’s challenged on a much higher level. And while enjoying this joyride you start to get a certain suspiciousness towards… hm… basically everyone. Unfortunately I don’t knit anymore.. maybe I should start again…
Long story short: I thought nothing in the world could surprise me anymore. But then something interesting happened recently: Someone behaved correctly. And I was almost shocked. Then my reaction really made me think. Did I really get so used to all this bullshit, that I started to become a part of this crazyness and don’t even expect manners? I mean I’ve also been getting bored by all the input and tend to shout “Next please!” after the first unsatisfactory sentence. You get so used to the way people act on this meat market that you get a little numb for the important things. For example what kind of person you want to be. And most of all: What are your standards?
People are out of control in this allegedly endless pool of choices, which make many of us struggle with online dating nowadays, but our reaction is often to just go with this trend, to stay a part of the game. But I want everyone who uses these apps to hold on for a second and think about what they’re doing! We can keep going down this road, stop caring, get numb and indestructible or even make compromises and let others act like assholes just to get someone. Or we stop and start to treat each other like human beings again. There is an elegant, healthy balance between keeping your level of kindness and politeness and protecting your own dignity. These qualities should merge like the threads of a knit and they should be a principle, regardless of what others do, ’cause this is what defines you.
I don’t want to forget, what my principles and standards are. I don’t want to sell myself under worth, to have someone’s attention for 5 minutes. And I don’t wanna get numb. I want to feel and have a loving and kind soul. And for that I might be vulnerable and get hurt sometimes, but it makes me human.
