All the reasons why I hate you (+ love you)

To my ex: I hope you read this one day and remember us

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Dear you,

I’m on my computer, and it’s my most recent entries ever since my hiatus from writing.

Truth be told, I’m on a writer’s block — but if you asked me how I felt, I swear I’d have enough tears to fill a stream, just like I have enough words encapsulated in my heart to write this letter.

I miss you, and I know I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t reflect back on the past and I should forget a bit, but you’re always on my mind — even if I try, and I really do attempt at it. Just when I think the footprints on the path are gone, and when I come to the realization that I can’t look back, my mind stops thinking. I fall into melancholy, which is a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause — but I think you know the reason well enough. You weren’t just a piece in my life, you were a whole.

As I look at the clock, five minutes have passed and I still type away. A second without you feels like forever, and maybe I would’ve liked feeling that way when we were together. I wanted to spend every single second with you. I remember the way you pronounce words wrong, stuttered at times, and leered off when you got distracted — and oh boy, you really can’t multitask. The details still get to me, and I guess I’m not over you. My words may say otherwise, but my heart can’t accept reality.

“I hate you, but love you”

I hate you for:

• getting over me
• breaking my heart sometimes
• never thinking you were good enough for me
• not always agreeing with me
• not sleeping on time
• not talking to me anymore
• forgetting about us

I love you because:

• you’re really my first love
• you’re compassionate and understanding (even when you’re childish)
• being cute to me (although you’d never admit it)
• singing for me + writing cringe
• dealing with my clinginess
• most importantly, stealing my heart

Our past plans:

• meet up + love at first sight
• kiss on a Ferris wheel
• watch a movie together
• living together and going far, far away
• study dates
• cooking + baking
• matching couple shirts

I dunno anymore, since you don’t even want to be friends.
That’s fine, but I wish you happiness since you changed my world anyways.
I still feel the same way about you, but I wonder if you ever think of me too.
Hm, I guess only time will tell.

One day, maybe, just maybe you’ll fall in love with me again
I’m quite charismatic, so don’t doubt it.
I hope you’re feeling well

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P.S I still love you

❤