Back on the Market
In April of 2014 I was attempting to survive a very difficult divorce. A close friend of mine helped me make an OKCupid profile — I needed a female perspective as I had no idea how to make an appealing profile. I have always been the opposite of photogenic, so my selfie game has never been good.
It felt like a poor decision jumping into dating before the divorce was even final. Regardless, I have always been impulsive so it was difficult to restrain myself. The first few prospects were poor. My first attempt at being back on the market I got set up on a blind date by a coworker. He told me she was a teacher and that she was a sweet person. She was a mild mannered teacher, and as kind as he said. We texted each other and decided to eat at an Italian place, the name of which escapes me. However, the first thing she said to me on our date: “I have a strong relationship with Jesus Christ and that is very important to me.” Being someone who floats somewhere between Agnostic and Atheist, this was not a good start. I told her I had fun but that likely we could only be friends, I did not have the confidence to tell her why.
I had a stroke of luck one night in April I was laying in bed checking OkCupid when I saw someone had been viewing my profile. I read hers and was immediately interested. She was nerdy, honest, and cute. I liked her profile and instantly got a notification that we were both interested. We were also an 87% match for whatever that is worth.
I remember reading somewhere that if you are interested in a woman it is best to be firm when you ask them on a date. Give a place, time, and day. Do not just say “We should go out sometime”. So I suggested we go to Vanelli’s (another Italian restaurant) at 6 PM. She agreed and I was elated.
Her name was Janet and our first date should have been a disaster. I knew at some point I would have to tell her that I was in the middle of a divorce and that it was not final yet. I did not want to start off with that bombshell. She was very attractive, she had short red hair and glasses. She reminded me of a bespectacled Mary Jane Watson from Spider-man.
We were both so nervous we hardly ate. I excused myself to the restroom for a moment and when I returned one of my fathers cousins was talking to her. Rhonda, technically my great cousin, is a somewhat senile relative of mine. She had approached this woman I had only just met, and was talking to her as if she knew her. I had no idea if Rhonda knew about my divorce or not, and I had no way of knowing what she was talking to Janet about.
Needless to say I began sweating.
I approached and tried to act like nothing was amiss, I made some small talk with Rhonda and she went back to her table. After she left I spilled the beans. I have no recollection of our conversation but I know that I told Janet about my divorce and we both assumed that Rhonda thought she was my ex-wife. Janet was not in the least disturbed or uncomfortable and she even teased me about it. “You’ll never believe the things she told me while you were in the bathroom” She said playfully.
The conversation was so easy with her. She had this striking ability to reserve judgment that few people I know have. We continued the night by checking out a local festival called Oleput and had a few drinks in the alley of a local bar. I found out that she considered herself a Deist and this revelation thrilled me. I had always identified more with the Deist perspective than Christianity which is pervasive here in the bible belt. My ex-wife had been a Pentecostal who ignored my lack of interest in religion, but it had been one of those differences that festered into an infected boil.
One of the highlights of the evening for me was when I revealed to her that I was borrowing a button up shirt from my father. Because of the divorce I was relocating to my hometown. At that time all I had packed were t-shirts and jeans. When he saw me in a Captain America shirt he told me I could not go on a date like that and loaned me a shirt. I unbuttoned the borrowed shirt and showed her the t-shirt underneath and she laughed. I knew at that moment that she was someone special. She confessed to me that she had debated wearing a shirt with Mario on it because she knew from my profile that I was a nerd.
The night went by as if we had been friends for years. The many dates following were just as easygoing. The easy friendship we had slowly grew into love. Eventually she convinced me to marry her. That love now is what sustains me. When I feel I have nothing else; I have that warm embrace we share in bed before I fall asleep.
We determined early on that we may not last forever as a couple. Time is the enemy of all relationships. So many dishes left unwashed, or perhaps the bills do not get paid on time; relationships often suffer from the death of a thousand cuts. However I can say firmly that the love I have for Janet will always exist regardless if we are together or not. We will do our best to stay together and thrive together. But if we fail I will still love her.
