Be Kind.
I’ve been listening to too many negative voices lately. For the most part, those voices have been my own.
I’m not the most disciplined person by a landslide, and I know that, but I do have the capacity to be my own worst critic. If you can guess, I don’t become adrenalized by critical ‘tough love’. I just beat myself into a hole and wait for the sun to come out. I know this about myself, but for the life of me, it doesn’t stop me from doing it.
Which is not the life I want to live. And as I’ve mentioned before, someone has recently told me I need more kindness in my life. My mother now joins that someone, which I wouldn’t usually expect.
If you know my relationship with my mother, you know that she has the precise skill of saying the least helpful thing at the worst time. Because of this, I learned early on that we would never have the relationship to talk about boys, she’d never acutely help with friend drama, work is almost a non-subject for her, and that our conversations would be almost exclusively over family, food, and music.
But Saturday, with grease and coffee, I couldn’t help but lay out my flaws and doubts and criticisms alongside the eggs and hash-browns. Her response, for once, was helpful.
“You’ve never been responsive to negativity. Sure, you have things to work on, but beating yourself up about it isn’t going to get you moving. Find inspiration. Be kind to yourself.”
The words from that previous someone rang in the back of my mind when she said that. A flicker, a heartbeat of truth. I’ve been and am being too hard on myself. For a while, it seems.
So now, typing away at my keyboard on a Friday morning, bright, cold smoothie at my side, I’m trying to find that inspiration. If words are still kindness, I don’t doubt my inspiration will reveal itself in that form. The sun is coming up over the horizon, and I’m digging my sorry ass out of the hole again. I will find that inspiration I need now.
If I just relentlessly seek it.
~M
