Soulmates?

Growing up, I had always known who I was, what I wanted to do, and how my life was supposed to be like. But with each passing year, this certainty started to fade and the harsh truth of reality started to set it. New responsibilities, new decision, and new circumstances made way for doubts, fears, and uncertainty. To desperately preserve this diminishing certainty, I turned to you. You were the only constant in my life. My safe haven in a world of chaos.

But instead, I turned you into my backup plan. I used you as a platform for my dreams, ambitions, and goals to take flight without you being a part of them. I loved others freely and intensely because I knew that if those relationships ever failed, I would always have you. Every heartbreak mended with renewed certainty that we’re meant to be, that you’re my soulmate. Expectations set for our future together with you as an afterthought. Moulding you into the person I wanted you to be but not noticing the material slowly diminishing away every passing year. Settling for contentment.

Until the day that you announced that you were getting married to someone else. Just like that, everything I dreamed of came crashing down. Anger. Confusion. Resentment. Loneliness. Justifications of why we’re meant to be, how she’s all wrong for you, and why I need you. Regretting all the missed opportunities, ignored calls/texts, and callousness. Pleading, crying, and fighting for you to stay. But knowing that it isn’t you I want, it’s my safe haven. The certainty in life.

Even in the end, looking at my needs above yours.