Curiosity Killed The Cat
At first I liked you because you were mysterious.
A puzzle I needed to piece together.
I thought to myself, who is this, who made him and does he know what he is made of?
So I busied myself with getting to know you. I tried on the lens you used to see the world and I saw things I’d never seen before.
I reveled in the fact that you couldn’t possibly like me.
We were so different and you weren’t interested in trying on my lens or seeing the world they way I saw her.
Because of your lack of interest in me I could pursue my knowledge of you.
I knew you couldn’t exploit me because you wanted nothing from me and that made me fearless.
One random day, I discovered you could make me laugh.
So I added one more thing to my quest of knowing you; I added enjoying my ‘you inspired’ laughter.
You weren’t my type and I wasn’t yours, but somehow we became ‘real’ friends.
I felt comfortable in not being pursued by you and threw myself into our friendship.
If there was no danger of breaking my healing heart then I could fully express myself and express myself I did.
I told you everything and more.
I shared the good, bad and ugly but you didn’t budge and in the beginning that endeared me to you.
With time I got tired, even though I wasn’t pursing you, I wondered why you didn’t want me after how much of me I showed you.
Was I not interesting enough?
I started to like more than the laughs you provided.
I liked the fact that we were so different and yet so comfortable with our differences. There was no possibility of either of us wanting or expecting to change the other.
And yet I hoped that you might change your mind and want me.
Even though you were hard and grumpy, I think you softened towards me… maybe this part is in my head.
I started to enjoy your soft voice and smile, things I didn’t expect you to have or express.
I also started to want more; more alone time with you, more attention from you, more you from you.
Then one day I realized I was back to the place I swore I’d never go back to.
I was back to loving someone who couldn’t love me.
This time I was worse off because you weren’t even trying to.
I eventually found out what you were made of and even then I couldn’t help but seek you out.
You were kryptonite and I was a Kryptonian.
We never tried to change each other because we were two sides of a coin.
Made from the same essence, exactly the same and yet essentially different.
We could never be on the same side.
That’s why you never budged, because around you I could never be whole.
I should have left but I couldn’t.
You were mesmerizing as you were toxic and the more I drank of you the more I wanted.
I drank until I was full of you, until you spilled out of me, until there was no difference between the end of me and beginning of you.
Still I drank until I was nothing and you were still there, oblivious to my end.
It was just before the end I realized you had absorbed all of me, but it didn’t add to who you were, you weren’t even aware that you had done it.
It was meaningless.
I should have stayed away…
Not every mystery needs solving.
