Dating in My 40’s — #23 That’s a Deal Breaker
Whenever a relationship ends I tell myself to take a breather from dating and just enjoy life on my own for a while. Yeah, right. Within a day of closing the door on the last relationship I jump back into the dating sites and start perusing prospects. Why do I do this to myself? Everyone needs time to heal between one relationship or dating experience to the next, right? I’m just a glutton for punishment, coming back for more. I can’t help it that I love companionship, affection, and the excitement of starting something new! I want to have someone to hold hands with that will text me good morning and ask me how my day was at night. I crave that.
Back in the Saddle…
So, I got back onto OKC this week. And BAM, within a day I have a guy messaging me that seems like he has his act together and is attractive enough to pique my interest. He’s quite interesting, actually, and it turns out he is a part time actor / stuntman, but his day job is a very normal office type position. He used to race cars as a hobby. All these things seem very cool; Google backs this all up for me to confirm it’s real. His IMDB even says one of his favorite shows growing up was “Little House on the Prairie” and how it helped shape his family values. Wow! Is this guy for real? What 80’s girl isn’t going to melt knowing that a guy liked Little House growing up and thinks Michael Landon is the man?!?
I’m ready to admit right now that I really shouldn’t be jumping back into the saddle yet so soon after a breakup. But you’re getting the real me here so, yes, that’s what I did. He seemed very interested in me and thought I was beautiful… blah, blah, blah. While we were on the phone getting to know each other, he asked me a question and when I gave him the answer he said “oh I’m sorry, that’s a deal breaker for me. I should have put that in my profile.’ And just like that the conversation was over and the door was figuratively shut. It doesn’t matter what it was that was the deal breaker for him. The fact that he had deal breakers was surprising to me. I was taken aback at first, thinking why are you judging me? And then I realized, I have deal breakers too! I didn’t used to but now that I’m in my 40’s and have enough experience to know what I like and don’t like, I’ve actually written down what I’m looking for in a man and that includes what I don’t want. If you do drugs, there’s no chance for you. If you come across as a negative, glass half empty person, I won’t continue to date you.
Knowing Your Deal Breakers
Look, we all must bring our best selves into a new relationship. But if you want to really fall in love and make it last, you must be your true self, flaws and all. No matter what your life experiences or your current or past interests and habits, your future partner must be able to live and accept who you are. If he can’t then you don’t want him. Rather than hide your past mistakes, bad habits and negative qualities, open up at the right time and share them with him. If something is a deal breaker, wouldn’t you want to know it early on rather than after you have invested weeks or months with someone? I am glad I found out after one phone call that he knew I was not the one for him. I don’t have to waste my time even going on a date with this guy. I know one of these days I’ll find a guy that loves all of me, flaws and all. I can wait for it. Until then, I’m going to brush up on my own deal breakers because I think it’s a smart idea to be sure what your non-negotiable qualities are when starting a relationship.
