Do You Have Relationship Impostor Syndrome?
And how you can overcome it
Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern where one internalizes the fear of being exposed as a fraud.
It’s very common among individuals who are starting a new job or position. They downplay their achievements and think that their peers are better than they are. They internalize their feelings of insecurity and believe that they don’t deserve their role. As they gain more experience at their job, the self-doubt that plagues their mind often fades away.
Impostor syndrome, however, is not only limited to the workplace. It’s common in relationships too. If you have ever had thoughts like “she deserves better than me” or “I’m not good enough for her,” you have relationship impostor syndrome. You’re constantly comparing yourself to other people, trying to figure out if you’re the right person for your partner.
Relationship impostor syndrome is dangerous because it has the ability to tear your relationship apart. When you start believing that you’re not a good match for your partner, you subconsciously implode the relationship. You start overthinking your actions and let your insecurities get the better of you. You begin taking mental notes of red flags that may not even exist.
But, relationship impostor syndrome also reveals that you genuinely care about your partner and want the best for her. You just want her to be happy, even if it’s not with you.
So how do you overcome it?
Somewhere along the course of your relationship, you guys decided you wanted to be together. Both of you made the decision to fully commit to each other.
Clearly, you don’t want your relationship to end if you’re reading this. You want to continue waking up to “good morning” texts and enjoying all her unique quirks. So remember this:
She could’ve chosen anyone, but she chose you.
Take some time and start thinking about these questions:
Why are you with your partner?
Why do you love her?
What makes your relationship special?
In what ways does she impact your life?
Do you see a future with her?
Assuming your answers are positive, you clearly want to stay with her. Having concrete reasons for staying in the relationship will motivate you to become a better you.
It confirms that you’re genuinely willing to improve yourself to stay with her.
Start focusing on yourself, and stop comparing yourself to others. They aren’t the ones in the relationship. You are. This is your relationship.
Figure out why you don’t “feel good enough” or “unworthy of her love.” Are you insecure about your appearance? Are you unhappy with your job or financial situation? Are you carrying around emotional baggage from previous relationships or your childhood?
Dissect your insecurities and be willing to fix them.
Whatever the reasons are for your insecurities, they are all valid. Most importantly, they are all fixable by you. You have to be willing to focus on creating the best version of yourself for your partner. Relationships are like a 24/7 party between two people with the goal of growing and improving together. You don’t want to keep showing up to the party empty-handed.
Treat yourself like a never-ending project where you’re always trying to better yourself. Tackle each insecurity one at a time. Build new habits to replace the bad ones.
Slowly, but surely, you’ll become the person you’ve always aspired to be, and your insecurities will fade away.
If it remains unaddressed, relationship impostor syndrome adds an enormous amount of stress to the relationship.
The last thing she wants is to watch you suffer. She doesn’t enjoy watching your insecurities eat you alive. It’s not fun for either of you.
Remember that you’re on the same team.
Telling her about your problems doesn’t make you weak. Being vulnerable only strengthens your bond and brings the two of you closer together. You are not alone in the relationship.
So open up and communicate your insecurities to her. You might be fearful that she’ll run away if she hears all your problems. And she might do just that. But, if she truly loves you, she’ll be patient with you and want to share the burden. She’ll seek to understand the pain you’re in and do her best to be there for you.
Relationships are not easy, but you’re in one with somebody you love and trust. If you both want the relationship to work, you guys will find a way.
The only way you can overcome relationship impostor syndrome is if you put in the effort to beat it yourself.
You have to hold yourself accountable. Remember that your goal is to maintain a healthy relationship. Accept that you have insecurities and work to conquer them. Don’t be afraid.
So stop thinking that you don’t deserve to be in your current relationship because you do.
You are enough, and you deserve every ounce of love given to you by your partner.
