Excerpt from our Nights
Yesterday I confessed to you
Things I dare not bare, but to a few…
I told you the story of how you stole my heart
All those years ago, like a piece of art
How I kept snatching it back
And you kept stealing it again, till it turned black.
Then you asked me, “Where is it now?”
I said, “I think I lost it in the down-low”
The strain of snatching and stitching
Baring the heartstrings like a wound, raw and bleeding.
The exposed gash grated by the world that
Misunderstood me to be a queen in a pirate’s hat.
Yes, I am searching, sweetheart,
For someone driving the pumpkin cart
To take me back to the treasure trove
Where I lost my heart and forgot to love.
You say, “Seeking to fulfill my dreams, I traveled to many lands
Before I came back to you, to fall hapless into your arms.
Each scar on my face burns bright at your sight
As you caress each of them tenderly, feathery delight.
My sight turns myopic as my dreams shrink to the size of you
And your words become my salvation; my life begins anew.”
I can feel the frozen chill inside the fiery depths of your heart,
The phoenix bursting to rise, pining for immortality that it fathoms not.
Trapdoors to your soul, your eyes penetrate my psyche
As I ask, “Why me? When you could have gone to anyone, Why me?”
Glittering like beads, reflecting
The unbearable lightness of your being,
The darkness unable to peek through, hesitating,
You reply, each word pounding
A unique nail on my coffin, deeper, deeper,
Undead, I lie, on my emotions and desire.
“Know that a soul that is lost
Finds its way back to where it belongs,
When home seems incomplete
It craves for something to make it complete”
Oh dear, this coffin is such a sweet temptation
Being human feels superficial and an exaggeration.
Did you know you were treading on my dreams
When you said I was meant for greater themes,
When you said you dreamt of a better world for me,
Little did I realize that you were saying goodbye to me.
Did our nights end when we decided to part?
Did our hearts stop beating when we were apart?
Will our tales be told
Even when we’re really old?
Who decodes the hidden meanings
That life holds in sighs and feelings?
What greater torture can I withstand
Than to realize we were castles in the sand?
The blast was contained in my heart
But the shrapnel hurt all over like Satan's dart.
Do you feel my pain in this line?
That pang when you said our hearts misalign?
Or, do you think these are also lies
That I made up as the crow flies?
Was this the future you planned?
The disgusting mutilation by each other’s hand?
I would rather be a distant memory,
A form of artwork made of ivory
Than accept the truth of our destiny
That you and I will forever be the other’s ignominy.
The words you said can never be unsaid
The damage done, never undone.
But my heart does hold a glimmer of hope
Maybe there’s a garden at the end of the rope.
I realize it’s a philosopher’s life for me,
Stretching forever till my eyes can see -
Caught forever between the happiness that renders me mute,
And the darkness that commands my ink to flow resolute.
This second time you came to me, I knew
It wasn’t words that connected me to you
As the day we spent together grew into night
And our pregnant silences started seeing light,
I realized my heart is destined for its doom;
There shall be no turning back anytime soon.
I am imprisoned in the charm of your darkness
And you shall soon demand the price, nonetheless.
You lead me to that grove you know I love
The one in my dreams, as I see fireflies move.
There is a crescent moon, but under the canopy
Your face looks like an eclipsed sun- a panoply.
I can feel your resolve, my pulse quickens
But you are too close, the air itself thickens.
As your musky scent makes me breathless
You are just a reminder, that I must confess,
That I was missing you, my body aching for…
You leaning into me, pushing me deep into the stupor
Of your presence, I can feel a constellation
Bursting forth into existence, as you drink me in.
My skin on fire, my heart like a pulsing stellar core
As you wouldn’t let go and I moan, my eyes open no more.
