Girl’s Guide To An Orgasm
For the clueless like me
I remember watching the movie When Harry Met Sally for the first time. There was an iconic scene in the movie where Sally claimed men couldn’t tell the difference between a real orgasm and a fake one. To prove her point, she faked an orgasm while they were having lunch at Katz’s Delicatessen in Manhattan. The scene ended with Sally casually returning to her meal like nothing happened. Another female customer who overhead the entire conversation, placed her order by saying:
The scene made me laugh but it also worried me. I realized that I’ve never had an orgasm and I didn’t know how to.
The more I kept reading about an orgasm, the more intrigued I was. I couldn’t believe that there were women in the world experiencing something I couldn’t. What’s even an orgasm? How do I find it? How does it feel? How will I know when it happens?
According to Medical News Today, “An orgasm is widely regarded as the peak of sexual excitement. It is a powerful feeling of physical pleasure and sensation, which includes a discharge of accumulated erotic tension.”
The article also goes further by saying that in the ‘70s, many doctors claimed that it was normal for women not to experience an orgasm. I decided not to settle as I couldn’t see why it was the norm for men to orgasm every time they had sex and it was normal for me not to? If men have blue balls, what do I have?
I remember catching up with a girlfriend of mine and she asked for a fap break between our conversation because she wanted to clear her mind.
Fap break: The period in the middle of the day when you stop everything in order to orgasm
I’ve never heard of a fap break before, but I wasn’t letting go of this opportunity. I finally know someone that can explain the unknown. “How do you orgasm?” I asked shyly.
“Some people orgasm through oral sex, while few orgasm through sex, but I orgasm through the stimulation of my clitoris.”
Stimulation of your clit? I was still confused. She hurriedly ended our conversation because she wanted to take her fap break. I was jealous but I couldn’t blame her. I surfed the Web for articles and read what people were saying about it. After a few articles, I could have sworn it was as easy as abc and believed if all failed, common sense will eventually save the day.
The curious cat in me quickly decided to experiment and test everything I just read. To my utter surprise and disappointment, it didn’t go the way I planned. I didn’t know what to do and I was ashamed, I wasn’t familiar with my body enough to know what she likes and what gets her off.
I promised myself that I wasn’t going to be ignorant, but be patient, listen, learn and understand my body. To my surprise, it turned out an orgasm was not that hard to achieve ;)
This new skill I learned taught me that I didn’t need to depend on anyone for my own sexual satisfaction. It made me realize I was capable of pleasing myself and I couldn’t have been anymore empowered.
- You are in charge of your own satisfaction
If you feel that people owe you an orgasm, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Your significant other might try hard to please you, try their best to make you orgasm, but if you don’t take charge of this experience, you won’t be achieving it anytime soon. A few strokes might feel nice but just not enough to get you to the place you want to be. You feel frustrated that you aren’t achieving one, yet you continue to depend on your partner to give you one like they owe you one. If you don’t know the anatomy of your own body, why would he? Even if he swears he knows what he is doing.
- Get to know your body
This is where it all begins. For you to give yourself an orgasm, you need to know thy body — female genital to be precise . Google labelled images of a vagina, get a mirror and be familiar with her. Don’t be grossed out, don’t feel awkward; tell her she is beautiful
www.thehealthyarchive.info
All you need to know (the basics)
In order to have an orgasm, you need three things:
- Your mind — imagination
- Something you can masturbate to (picture or erotic video)
- Fingers/vibrator.
Your mind plays the most important role in all of this. Use it to create the end game that you so desire — let it run wild. (which brings us to the next point)
Fantasize and let your mind run wild
Imagination + fingers/vibrator = Orgasm
Fingers/vibrator + erotic picture/video = No orgasm
Imagination+ erotic picture/video + Fingers/vibrator = Orgasm
No one really teaches you how to fantasize, as it is supposed to come naturally. We all have fantasies — it could be about your favourite celebrity, a sexual encounter with an ex or a stranger at a party.
To use your imagination to create an end game you want, you need to know what turns you on sexually. Think about past sexual encounters and what exactly turned you on about them. From the ambiance of the room, to the dim lights, or your partner’s voice, texture, scent and taste. When you figure it out, then you can proceed to the next stage.
You know how we use our mind to visualize? Well that is how you’ll use it to orgasm. To practice this, pick a quiet time in the day where you won’t be disturbed, shut the blinds of your room and try to play around with your mind. Close your eyes, breathe in and out, relax every muscle in your body. Clear your mind from all the clutter and enjoy the silence. Start by imagining yourself in a sexual scenario that turns you on. Pretend you are watching a movie in the theater but in your head. For every scene in your movie, let your creativity be on steroids. This erotic movie is produced, directed and written by you. Your fantasy could be about reliving a sexual encounter with an ex boyfriend, with your current boy, or imagining what it would be like to have your crush touch you.
Explore porn (Erotic video)
I know not everyone feels comfortable watching porn and I do admit, the wrong porn can be huge misrepresentation of a normal sex life. But that is why it is important to explore porn and see what you genuinely like. I recommend searching for videos like this: soft porn for women, erotica for women, erotic porn for women, porn for women threesome, male gay porn, girl on girl tribbing (if you are bi or bi-curious)
These types of videos aren’t as aggressive as the norm. Watch at least five videos and compare them all. When you finally figure out the kind of porn you are into, it is time to experiment with your mind — ONLY your mind.
Tip: You should have some sort of sexual attraction to the man in the video you pick. It could be the way he nibbles on her neck, or he plays around with her nipples, or the way he thrust in and out of her. I also recommend that the man be verbal — as it will turn you on even more when you hear his moan.
Get your room feeling extremely cozy and lay on your bed. Some people might want to stay under their covers, while others might want to lay on the covers; you can do either (just make sure you are comfortable). Play the erotic video and watch it. Pay attention to their connection, their lust, and yearn for it. Don’t touch yourself, just use your mind. Do you want to take her place yet? Then imagine that she is out, you are in and he is in. Remember it is your movie? You call the shots. Now use your mind to relive her experience through her.
We have gotten through the important details — Using your imagination and using it with your erotic video. Now girl, you’re ready to orgasm.
Set the mood
Set the mood by creating a relaxing atmosphere — shut the blinds/curtain, dim the lights, play soothing music and eliminate any distraction. The room temperature shouldn’t be too cold or too hot, as it can make you uncomfortable and ruin the mood.
Tip: When you’re uncomfortable, it can lead to frustration and in the end, it messes with your ‘me time.’ You can also burn some scented candle — there simply is no ambiance like a candle lit room.
You can either read an erotic novel or get out your erotic video and let the action begin.
Get a video that is long enough to stimulate your mind, make you horny and in end, make you orgasm. Take off your dress and wear just your panties. Lay on your back like you are in a missionary position waiting for a man to thrust into you. It is important to be in this position as your imagination will come into play. Remember what we said about using your mind? As soon as you hit play, let it run wild. For the first few minutes, do nothing but watch. Get comfortable with this couple in front of you, give them your full attention. Watch every movement, listen to every sound, look at every stroke. Do this for another five minutes until you are ready to introduce your new best-friends.
Fingers are your best-friends
For you to orgasm, you need to use your best-friends — your index and middle fingers. Still in the missionary position; open your legs and relax
Start rubbing vertically on your vagina with little pressure. Run your fingers from the hood of your clit, to your labia, and back to your clit. Keep watching the erotic video, keep using your imagination. As you start to become more aroused, rub your index and middle finger in a circular motion with very light pressure.
It should feel like you are teasing yourself, but don’t give in, harness it. Don’t put a lot of pressure on your clitoris right now, because she is sensitive and you need to give her time to understand what is happening to her. She’ll react, just be easy on her. Find a spot on your clit that feels good, stick to the angle and keep rubbing. It is time to imagine yourself in the girl’s position (in the erotic video). The plan is to orgasm through their sexual experience. Keep rubbing but this time around, increase the tempo and pressure a bit and pay attention to the sensation you feel. Does it feel good? Is it overwhelming?
If it feels overwhelming, that just means that tempo and pressure isn’t right. It is meant to feel good. Figure out if you prefer a side-to-side stimulation (in a horizontal manner) or a circular motion. As you continue to use your imagination, watch every stroke, look out for anything that can turn you on. Like I said earlier, it could be the strokes, the choking, spanking, or the way her pussy is being ate — imagine all of this is happening to YOU. The right tempo and pressure on your clitoris will help you orgasm. Now squeeze your muscles like you are doing long kegel exercise, keep rubbing till your breathing increases, your heart begins to beat quicker and the muscles all over your body are tensed. You’ll know when you are having an orgasm, I doubt you’ll confuse it with anything else.
Note: If you aren’t sure if you had an orgasm, you probably didn’t
Do not pressure yourself to orgasm, as that is the quickest way to not orgasm. If you realize that it isn’t working for you, take a breather and try again later.
The feedback loop (Practice, Analyze, Adjust, Try again)
The feedback loop is simply tweaking till you get it right. Spend some time practicing and exploring different methods — measure what works and doesn't, learn, and repeat . This is why the feedback loop is important; compare and contrast the techniques to each other. Stick with the technique that gives you the most pleasure.
Never feel ashamed of masturbating because it has its benefits e.g., helps to reduce stress and any sexual tension, helps you abstain from sex (I mean who needs a man to make you orgasm if you can give yourself one?), helps to prevent STI, STD, and pregnancy scare. Masturbation is perfectly normal and helps stimulate the production of endorphins.
This brings us to the end of the article. I hope you learnt a thing or two and if you have any more questions, please leave them in the comment section and I’ll reply to them.
If you like this article and want more like this? Like, share, recommend. Thank you again for your attention.
Love from Zee
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